


5 Years Lost

by wayhaught_n_tot



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: AU where Nicole disappears, Angst, F/F, Slow Burn, So much angst, Waverly is dating someone else, Wayhaught - Freeform, it will get happier though i promise, this is my first fic so please be nice
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-01
Updated: 2019-07-20
Packaged: 2019-07-23 04:59:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 41,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16152104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wayhaught_n_tot/pseuds/wayhaught_n_tot
Summary: Nicole Haught disappeared. She was gone for 5 years and now she is somehow back with no memory of what happened. Waverly has seemed to move on but what happens when she finds out the women she loved, who she never thought she would see again, has returned?





	1. Cliff's Edge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nicole has been gone for five years - disappeared without a trace. Waverly spends this day the same as the last four year but what happens when a certain redhead returns with no memory of what happened?

My dearest, Nicole,

It has been five years. Five years since you went away. Five years since my life was turned upside down. I want you to know that I haven't forgotten you. I will never forget you. You were and still are the love of my life. 

I wasn't ready to tell you in my other letters, even if I know you'll never get to read these anyways, but I have someone now. Well, I guess I have for a while now. I knew you would want me to keep going and to move on, to try to find even an inkling of what we had with someone else, so I did, as much as I could anyway.

Her name is Anna. We have been dating for two years now and she treats me well. You would like her Nicole. She came to Purgatory to investigate your case actually after you disappeared. She’s stubborn like you but in a different way. She’s sweet and she takes her time with me. She doesn’t know the Waverly you knew, but she tries her best to find the old Waverly inside of me. She knows not to mention you and to not question my whereabouts on this day, on your birthday, or our anniversary. She knows I’ll be with you - or as close to you as I can be. Those days are meant for us, just as they were before. Anna keeps her distance when I need it and never presses on anything. She's good to me Nicole, but she isn't you.

They say that time makes it easier, but frankly, I think that a load of bull. Every day, every year that passes by it gets harder to remember. To remember your touch, the golden flecks in your eyes, the sound of your laugh, or how you liked your coffee. That's the hardest part for me - forgetting. With every memory or detail I forget, I feel like I'm losing a part of myself, losing more of you than I have already lost. You're still as much a part of me as you were five years ago Nicole Haught. This year would have been our 8th anniversary in just a little under a month. I wonder how we would have celebrated. 

Before you left, you made a reservation for us at your favorite restaurant in the city for our anniversary. You went away before we could make it. I still can't go into the city. I think even if I saw the restaurant from the outside I would be brought back to the day you were taken away from me. That I would think about the day we were supposed to have for our third anniversary and that instead, I spent it crying in the woods at a wooden cross.

It's not fair Nicole. We were supposed to grow old together. Every moment without you feels like I am living without a heart - still breathing but barely holding on. The universe brought you to me and just as quickly tore you away. I loved you and because of that, I lost you. I will never forgive myself for that.

I miss you. Even if you never return Nicole, I will never say goodbye to you. I love you, Nicole Rayleigh Haught.

Forever yours,

Waverly Earp

 

* * *

 

Nicole wakes up in the middle of the woods. Looking up at the sky, she slowly blinks her eyes open squinting as the bright sun shines through the thick trees. She tries to sit up and suddenly realizes how stiff her body is. Slowly, she makes her way to an upright position, feeling every bone crack awake inside her. As her eyes adjust to the light, she takes a minute to look around and take in her surroundings. She is in a small dirt clearing in the woods, the ground is slightly damp as if it had rained the night before. Nicole tried to remember if it did but then realized she wasn't even sure how she got there, much less the weather yesterday. 

Looking down at her body, she finds that she is wearing white cotton pants with a matching white shirt. Despite waking up in the dirt, the garments look pristine. With her brain still foggy, she stands up and starts walking around the small clearing hoping to jog her memory - this is not an outfit she would usually be caught wearing. Waverly's favorite color may be white, but it definitely was not Nicole's. How did she end up in this outfit, and the woods, and where was Waverly? 

As she was walking she hit her leg on something. Rubbing her shin, she crouched down to see what it was. In front of her was a worn, make-shift wooden cross. There was grime buildup on it, but underneath she could see that there was writing on the wooden surface. She brought the sleeve of her white shirt to the cross to try to reveal the letters. After she was done, her brown eyes went wide as she read the words "NICOLE HAUGHT" written carefully on it. She wasn't sure what was going on or how she got to where she was - but the one thing she did know was that she had to find Waverly.

 

* * *

 

Finally seeing the town lights in sight, Nicole cursed herself - or the universe - for not putting shoes on her feet. They were already bleeding from the broken sticks and rocks along the way and were begging her to stop walking. She had been walking for hours but she knew she couldn't stop - she had to find Waverly. She was walking towards Shorty's since it was much closer than the Homestead and was hoping that Waverly would be working so she could figure out what happened. Waverly always knew the answers.

Finally, Nicole opens the doors to Shorty's and immediately looks around for her girlfriend. The place is mostly empty besides two men sitting in a booth on the side and a woman with long brown hair behind the bar.

Wynonna is behind the bar with her back to the door cleaning a glass when she hears Nicole say "Wynonna is that you?" The room is silent as the glass shatters on the floor.

Wynonna turns around cautiously, eyes wide and mouth open. After staring at the door where a disheveled Nicole is still standing for a few moments she musters up "Ni-Nicole?" Nicole furrows her eyebrows as she looks at Wynonna. She looks older, tired. She registers her confused face and exasperatedly says "Why are you looking at me like I'm a ghost? And where's Waverly?" 

Nicole carefully makes her way over to the bar so they can talk more easily without interrupting the two patrons in the bar. She sits on a stool and is immediately relieved to be off of her tired and injured feet. She looks over at Wynonna who is still staring at her with that mind blown expression on her face. Wynonna then turns around and hastily pours four shots of whiskey. She downs two of them faster than Nicole has ever seen her do - which is saying something. She turns back around and places the other two in front of Nicole.

Nicole narrows her eyes at the brunette, "Wynonna, I don't want shots! I want to talk to Waverly to see why I woke up in a frickin' forest dressed in whatever this is,” she gestures up and down her body to the odd clothing,” AND with no shoes."

Wynonna puts her elbows on the bar trying to steady herself, eyes still blown as she looks at the redhead, "You - you've been gone, Nicole."

Nicole furrowed her eyebrows again trying to remember anything. The last thing she remembered was talking to Waverly about their anniversary next month and making reservations in the city. Which would currently make it September if that was the case.  Trying to figure things out in her mind she finally asked, "What do you mean I've been gone? What day is it?"

Wynonna answered without missing a beat "September 27th."

"Oh, well then it's only been a couple of days. I remember making mine and Waves anniversary dinner on the 24th because it was exactly a month out from our anniversary. Was I knocked out or something? Did you maybe give me too many ‘Wynonna Specials’?"

As Nicole was talking she saw the expression on Wynonna's face change. Instead of confused and shocked she looked sadder and worried more than anything. Nicole also noticed just how much older she looked than when she saw her a week ago.

Wynonna placed her hand on top of Nicole's that was laying on top of the bar and looked at her with soft eyes. "Ask what year Haught."

"What do you mean 'ask what year'? It's 2020, I remember how many jokes you made at the New Years party while wearing the novelty glasses." Nicole pulled her hand away from the other woman. She didn't understand why Wynonna was playing games like this when she just wanted to find Waverly and sort this all out.

Wynonna moved to the side a bit and pointed at the fire department calendar over her shoulder. Nicole squinted her eyes slightly but you couldn't miss the big "2025" that was underneath the month and above a half-naked picture of a fireman. She looked back at Wynonna with a hard expression.

"Wynonna, this is no time for your games. No matter how elaborate you seem to make them. Seriously, where's Waverly?"

Wynonna circled the bar and sat by the stool next to Nicole and took one of the shots she poured for Nicole. "Haught, as much as I would love this to be one of my games, it's not,” she gulped and took a deep sigh, “You've been gone for five years, Nicole."

Nicole blinked slowly while staring at Wynonna before getting up and walking backwards before her feet starting hissing at her and she was forced to sit. She only made her way down a couple of stools from Wynonna but she had to put some distance between her and the dark haired woman.

She put her elbows on the bar and balled her auburn hair in her fist and shook her head back and forth. "No, no, no, no. That’s not possible." She straightened up and looked over at Wynonna who was just staring at her with those sad soft eyes. "Where's Waverly?"

Wynonna moves to a stool next to Nicole again. She makes sure she walks carefully as she pulls up to her friend who she never thought she'd see again. "I don't know. On this day every year, she goes off the grid. Everyone knows not to bother her, even her... um, closest friends and family. She returns in the early hours of the morning and she never talks about it. We all refer to it as the 'gone day.' It's like it doesn't exist and we don't talk about it the other 364 days of the year."

Nicole just looked over at Wynonna completely confused. "What do you mean? She never did that before. Why this day?”

Again with those sad eyes, Wynonna looks up at Nicole and says "Because Haught, this is the day you disappeared. You disappeared five years ago today."

Nicole took in everything she had just been told and just stared straight at the bar. She quickly got up and started walking to the door.

"Nicole! Where are you going?"

She barely turned around as Wynonna yelled after her. "To find Waverly. She heard a big sigh and then some shuffling behind her. "Okay, hold on I'm coming with. Also, let me grab you some shoes, Haught-shit."

  

* * *

 

 

 

Waverly stared out at the cliff in front of her. She folded up her letter to Nicole and put it in the box she brought with her before placing it back in her jeep. A slight breeze picked up as she exited the car and blew the stray hairs that escaped out of her high ponytail. She made her way over to a small grassy area near some trees right before the cliff with a blanket under her arm.

Carefully laying down the blanket, she sat on it and looked over the cliff at all of Purgatory. She closed her eyes and tried to remember the time she was here with Nicole last.

-

 

_Nicole smiled over at Waverly waving a basket and carrying a rolled blanket under her arm._

_"So... what do you think for our first official date, Waverly Earp?"_

_Waverly was looking out at the view and turned back toward Nicole. "Well, let's see what you have up your sleeve first, Haught," she said as she wiggled her eyebrows and made her way over to Nicole who was moving towards the small grassy area near the cliff._

_"I would take you somewhere more impressive and fancy but since we're staying on the down low, for now, I thought that the secluded Purgatory Peaks would be suitable." Nicole sent her dimpled smiled towards Waverly, sat down on the blanket she carefully laid out and put a hand out for Waverly to take._

_As Waverly sat down Nicole began taking things out of the basket that seemed to be full of all homemade goods and fruit. She also pulled out a bottle of wine and two plastic wine glasses. Waverly looked at her with wonder-like eyes and a big smile as she leaned on her arms._

_"I would take this over a fancy restaurant any day Nicole." She took a grape from a bag Nicole just took out and popped it into her mouth._

_Nicole looked at her and reached out for her hand. Waverly quickly adjusted her position so she could take the other woman's hand in her own. They intertwined their fingers as the sun began to set over Purgatory._

_"You know, I've never seen Purgatory so beautiful before," Waverly remarked as the sunset spread across the entire sky with hues of orange, red and yellow._

_Nicole was looking down at Waverly as she said, "Neither have I."_

 

- 

 

Waverly smiled to herself and reached her hand out for one that wasn't there. Opening her eyes, she was brought back to reality. She got up from her blanket and looked around on the ground. She finally found what she was looking for and made her way over to the edge of the cliff. She then did what she did every year, she blew a dandelion as she wished for Nicole to return to her. She watched as the dandelion seeds made their way down the cliff and she felt hot tears run down her face.


	2. Dust on Boxes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wynonna and Nicole go search for Waverly - will they find her? Does she want to be found?

Wynonna came downstairs from the apartment above Shorty's with a change of clothes for Nicole and socks and shoes. She throws a hoodie and sweatpants towards her and says "We can't have you looking like you're starring in a rendition of Jesus Christ Superstar as we go around town, can we?"

Nicole shakes her head with a slight smile on her face. Even if it has been five years, Wynonna hasn't changed that much. She quickly changes in the bathroom and immediately feels more comfortable. Her body is extremely fatigued and she's starting to feel it catch up with her. However, she knows that she needs to find Waverly. Waverly is more important than sleep. She can sleep when she has her in her arms again.

The two women step out into the cool fall day and Nicole looks around Shorty's parking lot. "So I don't have a car or a job anymore, do I?" she asks Wynonna.

"Well, I'm pretty sure Nedley would take you back in a heartbeat but you'll probably need to be evaluated first. You know,” she shrugs, “with the ‘whole disappearing for five years and having no memory of it’ thing. As for your car, it's in the barn at the homestead but I don't think it runs anymore. What was your plan when you were marching out here on your own? To go find Waverly by walking around town barefoot?"

Wynonna started walking towards her truck and went in the driver's seat. She leaned over to open Nicole's door for her. "Doesn't open from the outside anymore," she explained.

"I mean I didn't really have a plan. All I know is that I have to find Waverly. I don't know what is real and what's not until I see her. She needs to know I'm okay and not dead in a ditch somewhere. Oh god, I can’t even imagine what she thought happened to me over the past five years."

Wynonna started the car and looked over at the redhead.

"Listen Red, when we do find Waverly you have to be cautious. It's been five years, she might not be the same Waverly you remember. You leaving... it's been hard on her. It's gotten better over the past couple of years but it's been a hard five years for all of us."

Wynonna started pulling out of the parking lot as Nicole whipped her head around, her tangled red hair brushing against her shoulders roughly. "Me leaving?? You make it sound like it was my choice! I would've never left Waverly." She calmed herself down and looked out the window at the town of Purgatory, where it seemed just like it did the last time she saw it, and barely whispers, "I love her."

Wynonna somehow knew Nicole didn’t want a response to her outburst and chose to stay silent. After a beat of silence, Nicole clears her throat and says "Okay, so where are we going?"

"Well, I figured we'd check the homestead first but I don't think she'll be there. I always stay away from it on this day in case that's where she wanted to be. She moved out a few months after you... you know. And she doesn't really return there often."

Wynonna turned down the long road that was in the direction of the homestead. Nicole was just staring out the windshield thinking of Waverly.

"What do you mean she doesn't live at the homestead anymore? Why'd she move out? Where does she live now?"

Wynonna quickly glanced at Nicole, who was still staring ahead with a hard look on her face. She brought her focus back to the road, "She didn't want to be in the room you shared together anymore. She said it hurt too much. She moved to the spare room for a while but she said that the ghost of you was all over that house and she couldn't take it anymore. She rents a small apartment right outside of town... the opposite way of the police station."

Wynonna took a deep breath and chanced another look at Nicole. She was still looking out with the same hard expression but she was slowly nodding her head if only to let Wynonna know that she heard her.

They pull up to the homestead and Nicole marvels at how little it has changed. The shingle that was loose five years ago is still barely hanging on and the porch steps still have that one crack that runs along all of them. But she knows it has changed. She knows time has passed by, time she has just lost. Waverly doesn't live here anymore. There is no longer the happiness that they worked so hard to bring into the homestead.

They make their way inside, the door creaking more than Nicole remembers. Nicole doesn't take the time to see what has changed and what is the same instead, she starts going into all of the rooms looking for her girlfriend. Wait, was she her girlfriend still? They didn't break up but she's been gone for five years. What does that mean for them? Nicole shook her head at those thoughts and instead focused to keep looking for Waverly. Everything would be better once she found Waverly.

She got to the upstairs room that she shared with Waverly and paused with her hand on the doorknob. She took a deep breath and slowly opened the door. She got inside and quickly scanned the room but Waverly wasn't there. She then took in the room and realized that the only things in there were boxes marked with an N on each one of them and the bed she used to share with the other woman stripped bare. She ran her hand over one of the boxes and a thick layer of dust came off. Nicole slumped against a pile of boxes and closed her eyes. She tried to remember the day she moved in.

  - 

_Nicole entered the room carrying two big boxes stacked on top of each other. It was an unusually hot April day and the sweat was sticking her white shirt to her skin. She entered the room with a smile on her face._

_"Okay, that's the last of it!" she announced to Waverly as she put the boxes on the floor. Waverly was sitting on the bed looking up at Nicole with the widest smile. She walked over to her and ran her hands up and down her arms._

_"Well, then I should give you a proper welcome to your new home then Nicole Haught." She tugged on her sweat lined white shirt to bring her lips closer to hers. Nicole smirked as she said, "Is that right Waverly Earp?" Their lips connected and Nicole quickly closed the door with her foot and backed Waverly to the bed she was just sitting on._

  - 

When Nicole opened her eyes Wynonna was standing in the doorway. She walked over to Nicole and slumped down next to her.

"A year after you were gone we packed up your stuff. I- I wanted to donate it but Waverly wouldn't let me. She said we should keep it. In case you ever came back... You'll be staying here anyway so we can go through it all together if you would like."

Wynonna looked a little beaten down like she was admitting to giving up before she should have. Nicole wondered why Wynonna was so sure she would be staying here and not in Waverly's new apartment with her but she decided not to comment on it.

"Yeah, sure. That sounds like a plan Wynonna." She gave her a half smile.

"Okay, so Waverly is definitely not here. I tried calling her a bunch but she usually doesn't take her cell phone with her on this day. She wouldn't go anywhere where there were people she might know but I can't imagine her leaving Purgatory. Do you know anywhere she might go? Somewhere that meant something to the two of you?"

Nicole's eyes went wide and she stood up to leave the room. Walking quickly she made her way down the stairs as Wynonna tried to keep up with her.

"Haught! Where are we going?"

Nicole turned as she was about to open the front door. "Purgatory Peak, I'm driving."

 

* * *

 

Waverly ended up falling asleep on the blanket but was startled awake by the sound of tires on gravel. She quickly sat up and thought that she has never seen anyone come up here before. She really didn't want to see anyone on today of all days so she quickly packed up her stuff and started making her way to her Jeep. She was a couple steps away when she saw the car that was approaching. It was unmistakably Wynonna's truck.

Waverly racked her brain on why and how Wynonna would find her on this day. It had to be an emergency - was something wrong? Was it Anna? Was it one of their friends? Of course, something bad would happen on this day.  Finally, the truck came closer in view and she saw who was driving. Everything she was carrying rapidly fell to the ground. The grapes escaped from their container and rolled at her feet.

Nicole parked the truck as she kept her eyes on Waverly who looked like a deer caught in the headlights. She went to step out but Wynonna stopped her.

"She's going to be in shock, Haught. She never thought she would see you again. We all - never thought we would see you again. So please, approach slowly. Take caution."

Nicole nodded her head and opened the door stepping out. She took one step at a time towards Waverly with her hands out in front of her. She approached it how she was trained to approach someone who had just experienced trauma. She stopped a few feet in front of the girl who still hadn't moved and was staring right at Nicole.

There was a lull of silence that made the air heavy around them. Nicole finally broke it. "Waverly."

Waverly finally moved and started shaking her head back and forth. "Nope, no, no, no. You- you're gone. You're not here. You can't be here. You, you were gone. You're gone."

Waverly wouldn't meet Nicole's eyes so she slowly went closer to her. She tried again, "Waverly. It's me. I'm here. I'm real." She stopped about a foot away from her trying not to break any boundaries. Waverly looked up at her with tears in her eyes. She reached out her hand and barely grazed the top of Nicole's as if she was just trying to confirm that she wasn't a ghost. After she touched her she crumbled to the ground, pulling herself into a ball and started sobbing. Nicole sat behind her and wrapped her arms around the Waverly ball in front of her. "Is this okay?" she asked. She wanted to comfort her but didn't want to make her uncomfortable.  Waverly just nodded and leaned against her.

They both weren't sure how long they stayed like that but finally, when Waverly's sobs had died down she looked up at Nicole who still had her arms around her. The sky was getting dark and she knew that she had a lot of thinking she needed to do. She stretched out her limbs and started to get up. She reached out a hand to help Nicole up and as she grabbed her hand had to close her eyes at the spark that flowed through her. When Nicole was standing she still held onto Waverly's hand, like she would blow away in the wind if she let go.

She cleared her throat. "Okay, so I um still have a few things to do today but um, why don't you meet me at Shorty's tomorrow at 1pm? We can talk then."

Nicole was a little confused. She thought that Waverly would want to spend the night with her but she understood. She would do everything on Waverly's time. She would always wait for her.

"Okay, that sounds good Waverly. I'll see you tomorrow at one then?"

Waverly nodded and pulled Nicole in for a tight hug and then quickly turned on her heels towards her own car. Nicole started walking back to the truck where Wynonna was now in the driver's seat. She wanted to tell Waverly she loved her, she wanted to hold her tight and never let go, she wanted to kiss her. But she would let Waverly take the lead. She got in the truck and Wynonna pulled away as Nicole just stared at the red Jeep getting smaller behind them.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finished this chapter sooner than I thought i would so enjoy! Feel free to yell at me over on tumblr: toogayforthisbull.


	3. Memories Behind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nicole and Waverly meet in Shorty's to talk and Nicole remembers something from when she disappeared.

Nicole paced downstairs in the living room at the Homestead, looking at the clock for the 20th time since she finished getting ready ten minutes ago. It was still barely passed 9am. She had a restless night of sleep on the couch, despite how tired her body felt. She wasn't ready to sleep in the bed she had once shared with Waverly, so Wynonna made up the couch as best she could for her. Wynonna also washed a load of Nicole's clothes that she pulled out of one of the boxes in her old room.

So here Nicole was wearing a blue scoop neck sweater with washed out jeans pacing the living room. For some reason that she couldn't pinpoint, she felt extremely nervous about her meeting with Waverly. There were still so many questions she didn't have answers for and they were starting to build on her. They kept her brain foggy and put a weight on her shoulders she wasn't sure she could carry for much longer. Where did she disappear to for five years? Why did she return? What did this mean for her? What did this mean for her relationship with Waverly?

For all she was unsure of, the one thing she was sure of is that she loves Waverly, and always will. To her, it felt like they were on a date just last week but she knew for Waverly it has been five long years without answers, without Nicole. She knew she would let Waverly take the lead, just as she always has. If Waverly wanted to pick up where they left off, then great, but if she needed time, Nicole would give her that. She would do whatever she needed to ensure Waverly's happiness.

She decided that she needed to get out of the house and left a note for Wynonna who was still asleep after the long emotional day. She headed out the front door and headed in the direction of Shorty's. It would take her a couple of hours to walk there so she was hoping she wouldn't be too early for her meeting with Waverly. Her feet were still in pain from her barefoot escapade out of the woods yesterday. However, armed with her most comfy pair of sneakers she felt prepared for her journey. It's not like she could drive anyways, even if she borrowed Wynonna's truck she's pretty sure her license expired like three years ago. As she made her way down the streets of Purgatory she only had one thing on her mind - Waverly Earp.

  

* * *

 

It was almost noon when Nicole walked into Shorty's. The front door was open but inside the bar was completely empty. She still had an hour until Waverly was going to meet up with her so she sat down in their old favorite booth and waited. She started fidgeting with her hands and decided to focus on something that might actually be useful. Nicole closed her eyes and tried to remember something, anything from the past five years that might give her some answers.

Instead of a memory that might give her answers, she is instead transported to a memory of Waverly in the same booth she's sitting in.

-

_Waverly brings over a pitcher of beer and two glasses. She sets them down with a smile that reaches her eyes and makes them crinkle in the corners. She scoots in next to Nicole and gives her a kiss on the cheek. Nicole takes her hand in her own and kisses the top of her knuckles. "So cutie, what did you want to talk about?" Nicole asks as she pours herself and Waverly a glass of beer._

_"Well, I actually have something to give you." Nicole lifts an eyebrow, "Really? Is it anything like what you gave me last night?" Nicole winks at her girlfriend as she turns a deep shade of pink. Waverly hits her arm playfully, "Nothing like that you jerk. Just, um, here."_

_She pulls out a small rectangular box tied with a bow and places it in front of the other woman. Nicole gives her an amusingly confused look but takes the box anyways. "It's not our anniversary or my birthday but I'm not one to look a gift horse in the mouth." Nicole shakes her head and takes the ribbon off of the box and opens it._

_Inside of the box is a silver key sitting on a blue cloth. Nicole looks from the key to Waverly who is nervously looking back while fidgeting with her hands. "Nicole Haught, will you, and CJ of course, move in with me?"_

_-_

Suddenly, Nicole wasn't in Shorty's with Waverly, she is back in the woods. The sun is setting but she can still feel it beating down through the thick trees and a bead of sweat falls down her face. She hears Wynonna's voice screaming something she can't make out. She looks down and there is blood on her hands and she is running. She doesn't know why she is running. Everything starts to turn white and she feels herself fall down.

Just as quickly as she was transported to the woods she comes back to the sound of Waverly's voice. Waverly's hand is on her shoulder shaking her and she manages to finally open her eyes. Waverly is looking at her with a worried expression and Nicole just can't help but notice how beautiful she is. She has her hair in a tight braid falling over her shoulder and some light makeup on. She is wearing a white sparkly sweater and black leggings with boots. She is stunning.

Nicole finally registers that Waverly is talking to her and shakes her head, reluctantly moving her eyes away from the woman she was just staring at. "Nicole! Are you okay? I walked in here and you looked like you were sleeping, or knocked out or something. You were never a hard sleeper but it took me like 10 minutes to just get your eyes open just now!"

She still had her hand on Nicole's shoulder and was looking at her with the same worry. Nicole clears her throat, "Um, yeah? I think I'm okay. I think I was actually remembering something. You know... from the incident." Waverly removed her hand and sat down in the seat across from Nicole. She keeps her eyes locked on the auburn-haired woman. "From where you went or before?"

"Before. Wynonna was in the woods with me, there was screaming, and I was running and there was blood.... then everything went white and that's when I woke up to you shaking me."

Waverly started fidgeting with her hands looking over at Nicole's. She knew that she could just reach out and grab it but resisted. Nicole needed to know everything. She needed to tell Nicole everything. "Do you want me to tell you about what I know about that day? The day you.... the day in the woods?"

Nicole looked at her with uncertain and sad eyes, "I think that I might need you to."

Waverly nodded and looked down at her hand before starting, "You were called to the woods right before the end of your shift that night. You texted me that you were going to be late for dinner but to save you a plate to reheat. There was a noise complaint or a report about a strange sighting or something. Wynonna was at the station for some reason so she asked if she could tag along so you could just go home together. You didn't think it would take long so you agreed as long as she didn't get it the way. But you know Wynonna, she's never been good at that."

Waverly took a deep breath and closed her eyes before continuing. This was the first time she was saying the story out loud in a long time and it was harder than she thought. Her eyes were still closed and she felt Nicole take her hand. She didn't fight it. It brought her a sense of comfort she had almost forgotten about. She opened her eyes and continued as Nicole ran her thumb over the top of Waverly's hand.

"When you guys got to the woods you couldn't see anything so you went deeper in the woods so you could at least say you thoroughly investigated the incident. The sun was setting and it was starting to get dark out and Wynonna said you both saw something move super fast through a row of trees. You took out your gun and took off running before Wynonna could even react." She pulled a slight smile and looked Nicole in the eyes, "That's why you're a police officer and Wynonna is a bartender." Nicole ducked her head a little at the comment but was still focused on finding out what had happened to her.

"Wynonna was screaming your name after you ran off because she couldn't find you and that's when there was a bright flash of light that blinded her. When she finally could see again you were gone. She spent the next week scouring the woods for you. But it seems that you just vanished with the light."

Waverly felt a lump in her throat and a tear fall down her face. Nicole was still wrapping her head around everything she was just told but her first instinct was to comfort the woman in front of her. She was still holding her hand and wiped away the tear that fell with her free hand. She cupped Waverly's chin and made her meet her eyes.

"Thank you for telling me that Waverly. We'll figure this out okay?"

Waverly just nods her head. "God, I feel so ridiculous. It's not like I'm the one who disappeared for five years."

Nicole shook her head slightly but made sure to keep eye contact with the woman sitting across from her, "No, but you are the one who lost someone that you lov-cared about with no explanation or answers. You're allowed to be upset Waves."

"There you go. Always knowing what to say. That hasn't changed." Waverly said with tear-filled eyes.

"That will never change with you." They shared an intense gaze for a little too long to be purely innocent before Nicole cleared her throat, trying to steer the conversation from wherever it was going, "So Waves, it's been five years. What have you been up to?"

Waverly contemplates whether or not to tell her about Anna at the moment but doesn't want to break the spell they seem to be under. So instead she talks about her job. "Well, I learned a few more languages and took more courses over the years so I'm currently running my own online tutoring company."

"That's great! How does it work?" The whole time they talk they don't break eye contact and neither one of them dares to tear apart their hands. Waverly explained how she set up a tutoring studio in the apartment upstairs and how she is now tutoring over thirty students and how more keep requesting her but she doesn't want to overwork herself and wants to be able to give each student the attention they need. Nicole was hanging on her every word, she missed how excited Waverly got when she talked about something she cared about. It was like they were in their own little world, which is perhaps why they didn't notice someone else walking into the bar.

"Hey, sweetie! Thought I would bring you lunch before your next tutoring session - oh."

A woman with black shoulder length hair wearing a white shirt tucked into light denim jeans with a red flannel was standing in the doorway of Shorty's with a takeout box in her hands. She was staring at the two women in the booth laughing with their hands joined.

Both women turned at the sound of her voice and Waverly immediately let go of Nicole's hand and stood up. Nicole looked down to her now empty hand and then to the woman standing in front of them. Nicole thought of how beautiful she is. She has a strong jawline and deep blue eyes. It just registered with her that she called Waverly "sweetie." Nicole stayed sitting in the booth, looking between the other two women.

"You're- you're Nicole Haught aren't you?" The dark haired woman directed towards Nicole.

Before Nicole could respond Waverly started, "Anna, I can explain."

Anna placed the take out container on the bar and started backing out. "You really don't need to Waverly, just make sure you eat or don't I guess. I'll see you around." Before Waverly could stop her she was out the same door she came in less than five minutes ago.

"Shit noodles," Waverly mumbled. She turned her attention back to Nicole. "I'm sorry that was my..."

Nicole interrupted before she could go on because of course, Waverly has a girlfriend. It's been five years she wouldn't have wanted for her to just be mourning over her the whole time. Even though she knew all of this, it still hurt. More than she would ever admit. 

"Waverly, really it's ok. You should go after her. I think your girlfriend read the situation she walked in on wrong. Go explain that we were just talking and you were catching me up on what I've missed." She took a deep breath before adding, "How long have you been together?"

Waverly looked at her through her eyelashes and looked like she was about to cry again. She finally croaked out, "Two years."

Nicole nodded her head and stood up. She pulled Waverly in for a quick hug and kissed the top of her head before she could think twice about it. "Go talk to her Waves. I'll see you around. Maybe we can talk more about my, um, case." Waverly nodded and with that Nicole left.

Nicole made her way around to the back of Shorty's before leaning against the dumpster and sitting down, pulling her knees to her. She put her head on her knees and let the sobs that have been building in her chest out. She couldn't understand why this was all happening to her. Why was she taken away from the love of her life for five years just to be returned to have her moved on? She was stuck here with no girlfriend, no job, no car, and no memories. She took deep breaths trying to calm down.

After the tears seized she made a deal with herself. She would find out what happened to her and she would be involved in Waverly's life in whatever capacity she wanted her to be - no matter how much it hurt her. A car started beeping and she raised her head. Wynonna pulled the blue truck in front on Nicole and stuck her head out, "Get in Red, we're going shopping."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all of the kudos and comments I love each and every one of them! Find me on tumblr: toogayforthisbull. Next chapter: Waverly talks to Anna and Wynonna takes Nicole somewhere. Stay tuned!


	4. Pickles and Tree Stumps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Waverly talks to Anna and Wynonna and Nicole have a heart to heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy this chapter! I'm hoping to keep updating this quickly so let me know how you liked this chapter and where you might like the story to go. Now get ready for some feelings from everyone in this chapter.

After Nicole left, Waverly put her hands in her hair with her head bowed down and gave a little disgruntled screech. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. The last 24 hours had been very trying for her emotions and she wasn't sure what to do with all of the feelings she worked so hard to suppress over the last five years arising again.

For the past two years, she has been comfortable. She doesn't love Anna the same way she loved (loves?) Nicole but she had always been there for her and she does love her. She loves her as much as she allows herself after everything that happened with Nicole. But now Nicole was back. Those feelings that she was starting to lose the memory of were coming back in a force stronger than she remembered. Waverly shook her head slightly, she couldn't do that to Anna. Every time in the past few years when Waverly thought she would fall apart, Anna was there to put her back together, to hold her until the demons inside her decided to go back to their hiding spots. She has never left.

She looked at the take out box on the bar and opened it. It was her favorite from the local diner, a veggie burger with lettuce, tomato, and onion with just a little bit of mustard and a side of homemade sweet potato chips with a pickle. Her stomach turned as she looked at the food and could tell it was not in the mood to ingest anything at the moment, the guilt filling it up enough as it is.

As she stared at the take out container she was brought back to a memory of her and Nicole.

-

_Nicole and Waverly pulled up to the diner and let go of their joint hands. Waverly hadn't told Wynonna about her relationship with the other woman yet but still wanted to go on a "proper" date. One where they went out instead of hiding away behind trees and closed doors. Even if they had to pretend to just be two friends grabbing a bite to eat, she wanted to be out with Nicole. She knew it was early, but she already wanted everything with Nicole._

_They walked into the diner, the bell ringing as Nicole opened the door for Waverly. They settled into a booth and waited for their server. As they waited Waverly rambled on about how this was her favorite place to eat in Purgatory and how her Uncle Curtis used to bring her here growing up. She then pointed out a picture that was above a booth a couple of rows down. It was a picture of a little Waverly with pigtails and a big smile on her face in front of a huge pink cupcake._

_"That was taken on my 10th birthday. My uncle said it was an important birthday, being a whole decade old, and told me I could pick out whatever dessert I wanted." She laughed at the memory before continuing, "So, of course, I chose the biggest cupcake I could see in the bakery section. I ate all of it and threw up pink frosting for three days."_

_Nicole was laughing with her and had the biggest smile on her face. She knew Waverly's childhood was hard and she was glad to see how much she held onto the happy memories._

_They were still laughing and smiling at each other when their server came over. Nicole ordered pancakes from their 24-hour breakfast menu and told Waverly that it was always time for breakfast - especially if it was pancakes. Waverly then ordered her favorite - a veggie burger, sweet potato chips, and a pickle on the side. Nicole crinkled her nose and Waverly asked why she had such a disgusted look on her face._

_"It's not the veggie burger, I swear. It's  just.... pickles are kind of the worst."_

_Waverly laughed because she hadn't found one thing that the redhead wouldn't eat before this. "Well, more for me then."_

 -

Waverly closed the take out container before grabbing her coat and keys. She locked up Shorty's on her way out and went to go find her girlfriend. She had to make this right - between Anna and Nicole. Now, if only she knew what was right.

 

* * *

 

 

Nicole got in Wynonna's truck without saying a word to the other woman. Wynonna drove down the road that leads to the homestead and Nicole wondered where she was bringing her because this clearly was not shopping. She thought they might be going to the homestead to do some day drinking no doubt, but they passed by the house and started down towards a dirt road in the woods. "Wynonna, where are we going? I really don't think there's shopping in the middle of the woods."

Wynonna looked at her with wide eyes for a second before pulling her attention back to the road, "Red! How dare you not get the Mean Girls reference. We were never actually going to go shopping."

Nicole shook her head with a slight smile on her face because of course, it was just a reference. "Okay, so where are we going then Earp?"

Wynonna smiled as she said, "You'll see."

They pulled into a small clearing in the woods beside the homestead. It was only a 5-minute drive in but if you walked from the homestead it would take at least 20 minutes. There were tree trunks cut down to different heights in a line at the end of the clearing that had moss growing up and down them. The ground was still a little moist from the rain a few days ago. Wynonna got out of the truck pulling out a large trash bag from the back of the truck. Nicole followed suit but was still extremely confused as to what they were doing here.

Wynonna walked over to the tree stumps and started lining bottles and cans on the tops of them. She then walked over to Nicole who was about ten feet away from them and handed her a pistol. Nicole finally understood what was happening but didn't understand why.

"Wyn, why are we out here shooting cans? Isn't there something more productive we should be doing with our time?"

"Oh, like crying against a dumpster behind Shorty's?" she said with a raised eyebrow.

Nicole ducked her head trying not to let Wynonna see the tears that were still lingering in her eyes. Wynonna took a deep breath recognizing that that was a low blow - even for her.

"Listen Haught-sauce. I figured from your pity party that you found out about Anna and thought you might need to let out a little steam. This all must feel really unfair to you, it's not like you chose to go away for five years or to return. So let's just shoot some cans and pretend it's Champ Hardy's dick."

Nicole laughed as she shook her head and hit Wynonna's shoulder with the hand that wasn't holding the pistol. "I bet I can shoot more than you." Nicole challenged with one eyebrow up.

"In your dreams Haught-shot."

 

* * *

 

Waverly stopped outside Anna's apartment and contemplated if she should knock or not. She had a key but after what happened didn't know if she should just let herself in. She saw her white Subaru in the driveway so she figured she was home unless she ventured somewhere on foot, which wouldn't be unlike her. Anna often went on walks or hikes to blow off steam, especially when it concerned Waverly. They have had a number of fights over the past two years but Anna was always patient. She never even so much as raised her voice at Waverly, choosing instead to walk out her frustrations with the young woman.

Because of this, Waverly was surprised when she knocked that Anna, now in a sweatshirt and joggers opened the door.  It was an unusual look for Anna, who usually looked so put together even in casual clothes. Her hair was in a messy bun and she was holding a cup of tea in one of her hands. She leaned on the door as she opened it for Waverly.

"You know you could have just let yourself in. Unless you lost the key I gave to you a year ago." She walked into the living room allowing Waverly to walk in behind her. She sat on the small modern blue couch and Waverly closed the door and sat on the other side of it, trying to keep her distance if that's what Anna wanted.

"I didn't want to impose and didn't know if you were home. I was hoping we could talk." Waverly kept her eyes focused on her hands in front of her.

"Waverly, there's nothing to talk about." Then, a little quieter added, "I always knew I was the replacement. I just never expected her to actually come back."

Waverly moved over on the couch next to Anna and took one of her fidgeting hands. "Anna, you were not a replacement - are not a replacement. I care about you a lot. And I never thought she would return either.I’m trying to navigate this just as you are."

Anna allowed herself to look at Waverly for the first time since they sat on the couch. "But you loved her - love her. In the past two years I haven't even been able to mention her without you going somewhere, I'm not sure where, but you wouldn't be with me anymore mentally even if you physically were. You've always held back from me in a way that I could see you weren't when you were talking to Nicole at Shorty's."

She took a shaky breath before continuing, "If you want to be with her now instead, I understand. I just need you to tell me."

Waverly gripped her hand tighter. She knew the topic of many of their fights was probably going to be brought up - Waverly couldn't tell Anna that she loved her. In the past two years, she hadn't allowed herself to say those three words. Everyone she said those words to left and she just wanted Anna to stay, someone to stay for once. Sure, Wynonna came back but that still didn't stop the hurt from her leaving in the first place. And now Nicole came back but she was taken away in the first place because Waverly loved her and told her as much. She still wasn't ready to confront any of those feelings at the moment.

"Anna, I don't want to break up. Everything just happened, she came back yesterday and I just found out which is why I hadn't told you yet. I'm still processing everything but I would like to do so with you by my side. You've been here for me for the past two years, even before that, and I don't want to go through all of this without you. Can we please just figure this out together?"

The two women's eyes were still locked as Anna started nodding her head. Waverly brought her into a tight hug and kissed the top of her head. Anna wrapped her arms around the smaller woman and they stayed holding each other like that until the sun was setting and they had to go turn a light on.

 

* * *

 

Wynonna and Nicole were shooting until they got to the last can in the bag Wynonna brought. They lost count to who had shot more as they drank shots of whiskey that they also lost count of. As Nicole shot the last can the sun started to set. Both women noticing that they didn't want to leave settled in against the stumps that they were just shooting the bottles and cans off of. Wynonna got up briefly to go turn the headlights on the truck so they weren't in complete darkness.

"You know," Nicole started with a slight slur to her words, "I don't know why I thought she would be single. Maybe wishful thinking or something. Or maybe to me, it just doesn't feel like it's been five years. Maybe I just thought things could be how they were. But five years is plenty of time to forget someone." She almost whispered the next part but Wynonna could still hear her, "To stop loving someone."

Wynonna shook her head violently, her actions exaggerated from the alcohol, "Nicole Really Haught, you listen to me!"

"It's Rayleigh, Earp."

"I know what I said! Waverly never forgot you. Sometimes on our 'sister days' which just meant one day a week, she carved out to get away from Anna, we just got drunk in the backyard of the homestead with a fire and talked about you. We would exchange stories and cry ugly tears until the alcohol soaked them up. She always said that those nights helped keep your memory alive. That no matter how much it hurt, we needed to keep having those nights. She wouldn't go inside the homestead but the backyard was our sanctuary. And no matter what it seems like now, she still loves you. She never stopped."

Nicole let a few tears escape her as she stared out into the dark woods. Her voice was shaky and cracked when she finally spoke, "It's just so hard. I don't know what I have here for me anymore. I don't know what to do."

Wynonna bumped her shoulder against Nicole's, "You have me, you ass. And you have Waverly, even if it's not how you want her. And you have Doc, Dolls, Jeremy and Nedley. I was going to give you a few days to breathe but they're all excited to see you. You're not alone Nicole. And I'll tell you what we're going to do. We're going to find out what happened to you together, we're going to get through this together."

Tears were streaming down Nicole’s face and she felt Wynonna put her arm over her shoulders. She leaned her head on Wynonna's shoulder and they stayed like that until the cold of the night got to be too much to bear.

Without speaking, both women headed to the truck and went to the homestead and headed off to bed. As Nicole laid on the lumpy couch she found herself believing what Wynonna said. They were going to find out what happened to her and they were going to get through it. Together.


	5. Bricks & Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nicole heads to the station to talk to Nedley and runs into someone. Waverly and Wynonna talk about things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy this chapter! I'll update again tomorrow but I'm going away for the weekend so probably won't update it again until Monday. As always, there's a lot of feelings in this chapter so buckle up, buttercup.

Nicole wakes up after her first restful sleep since she's been back. As she stretches out her limbs on the cramped couch she remembers what she was dreaming right before she woke up. It involved a certain girl with a wide smile and long brown hair. It would seem that even in her sleep, Nicole could not escape Waverly Earp.

She sprinted off of the couch with a mission in mind. She was going to get her life back together one step at a time. Step 1: get her job back. She quickly got dressed, brushed her teeth, and set the coffee maker for when Wynonna woke up later. She left her a note by the prepped coffee maker, telling her where she was headed. It was only 8am but it would take her about 45 minutes to walk to the station. Which reminded of step 2: fix her car.

 

* * *

 

Waverly left Anna's early in the morning before the other woman woke up. She left a note on her nightstand and took off before the sun was even fully up. She wanted to go over some tutoring notes before her session at 8am and had some thinking to do over the day anyways.

As she tried to get through what she was covering in her Latin session today, her mind wandered to Nicole. She talked to Anna later last night about how Nicole was going to be in her life, as a friend, no matter what. Nicole had been through a lot and lost everything and that was something she could relate to. She had to be there for her. As a friend - at least that's what she told herself. Waverly also wanted to use her research skills to help Nicole get some answers. She owed her that. Nodding her head as she absently looked at her notes, she decided she would see Nicole later to talk to her about everything and to hopefully start looking more closely into her case. 

Feeling a little more content with herself she quickly reviewed her material and set up her webcam to do her tutoring session. With a smile on her face, she greeted her student in Latin as he did the same. She had tutoring sessions until 2pm but after that, she would find Nicole.

 

* * *

 

Nicole arrived at the station and walked in through the double doors. The usual chatter of the station died down suddenly as she walked in. Everyone was staring at her as she just stood in the doorway. Then slowly, one by one the officers started making their way to her, starting with Lisa from the front desk. They all either hugged her, patted her on the back, or gave her a firm handshake with a "Welcome back, Haught." She smiled, dimples fully displayed, at each one of them.

When she escaped the swarm of officers who quickly returned to their own work she went to Nedley's office and knocked on the door that was barely cracked open. When she heard the familiar grunt that meant "come in" in Nedley's language she popped her head in.

"Sheriff," she greeted him.

Seeing the redhead he grinned and stood up.

"Don't 'sheriff' me after 5 years, come here." He gestured for Nicole to come in and hug him. They shared a quick but firm hug before Nicole returned to business.

"It's nice to see you, sir." She said with a small genuine smile on her face. She cleared her throat before continuing, "I was wondering what steps I would have to take to gain back my position here, that is, of course, if you will still have me."

Nedley smiled back at her as he put a hand on her shoulder, "I would be more than happy to have my best officer return. It's actually funny you stopped by - I was about to call the homestead to see if you could come in. The FBI was stuck on your case after your disappearance since they determined everyone in the station was 'too close to it.'"

He moved his hand from Nicole's shoulder and batted his hand in a way that let her know that he thought that was unnecessary.

"The lead detective has stayed in Purgatory for the past five years working on your case, as well as a few other disappearances on this side of the county. Now that you're back, she wants to talk to you."

Nicole raised her eyebrow at the 'she' part of that. Female officers, FBI or not, rarely passed by here. She had been the first female hire in 20 years when she joined.

"Okay sir, what other steps would I have to take to get my badge back?"

Nedley sat back down at his desk and folded his hands together over his stomach, "Well, you will need a mental evaluation, as well as a physical one. You will also need to take a reinstatement exam and I need to kick Lonnie out of your old desk."

Nicole laughed, "Sounds like I have some work ahead of me but I do plan on being back soon. Would the detective like to speak to me now?"

"Let me go find her and find out if she's ready for you. You can wait here." Nedley headed out and Nicole sat in the chair across from his desk. She remembered that Nedley was planning on retiring soon when she disappeared but figured he must have changed his mind. She was staring at his nameplate when she heard Nedley's footsteps paired with what sounded like a pair of heels.

She turned around at the sounds and her eyes went wide for a second before she put on a cool face. Standing before her was the woman who she met at Shorty's just last night - Waverly's girlfriend.

"Nicole Haught, this is Detective Anna Alvarez, the FBI detective assigned to your case. She's going to take you to a different room to ask you a few questions."

 

* * *

 

 

Waverly finished up with her last tutoring session and clapped her hands together. She had just finished a successful tutoring session with a 15-year-old homeschooled teenage boy in ancient Greek history. She always made sure to wear a high neck shirt during those sessions ever since she saw him looking down her shirt a few too many times to be an accident. It was two o'clock and she was on a mission to find one Nicole Haught. She could do this. She could be friends with her ex-girlfriend. (Wow, she hated that word.)

Shorty's was still closed when she got downstairs so she went through the back door that locked on its own. She figured Nicole would be at the homestead and walked to her Jeep to head that way.

Waverly pulled up to the homestead and entered the front door. She hadn't been inside in years but it felt weird to knock. She shouted a "hello" into the creaky house and looked around. Not much had changed. Wynonna moved the recliner so it was closer to the TV and she put up a framed photo of their friend group before Nicole disappeared. But everything else seemed exactly as it was when she lived there. She was staring at the framed photograph of them all laughing in a booth at Shorty's when Wynonna made her way downstairs.

Wynonna looked a bit confused but happy to see Waverly standing there, "I thought that what your voice baby girl, what brings you down to this part of the woods? Visiting your favorite sister?"

"I was actually looking for Nicole... any chance she's here?" she said with her voice hitching just a little too high at the end.

"No luck, Chuck. Red skipadoodled out of here this morning to head down to the station. She's probably still there or around town."

Wynonna went to the fridge and pulled out a beer, opened it with the beer opener on the wall and walked over to the couch.

Waverly mumbled "Oh nuggets!" under her breath, and tried to figure out what to do quickly. She never liked it when her plans didn’t work out, she was a planner after all.

"But feel free to stay lil sis. We haven't talked about, you know... things. Since well, the things happened."

Waverly slumped down on the couch next to her sister. "Fine, fine." She turned towards Wynonna with a devilish grin, "But you know what this calls for."

 

* * *

 

Anna brought Nicole into, what the officers referred to, the 'trauma room.' It's for when victims are brought in and need questioning. Nicole got it added during her second year at the precinct when she found out they were bringing victims into the interrogation room, which she pointed out, could traumatize them further than they already were. She was never a fan of the nickname everyone gave the room but at the same time, didn't know what else to call it.

Nicole sat in one of the blue comfy chairs as Anna sat across from her. She took in the detective as she brought out her notebook and case file. Her hair that was loose yesterday was pulled in a neat bun on top of her head, she was wearing a green blazer with a plain white shirt underneath that was tucked into black slacks. She also had a pair of matching green heels. As they walked to the room Nicole noticed that she was the same height as her but with the heels, she must be about two inches shorter than her. That still gave her a good three or four inches over Waverly though. Nicole shook her head from that thought.

Nicole also noticed that she was wearing thick black framed glasses that were absent from the last time she saw her. She noted that she still looked strikingly beautiful. Which kind of made the whole situation worse. Of course, Waverly would be with someone beautiful. Still, Nicole couldn't help but think, she didn't hold a flame to just how beautiful Waverly Earp is.

Detective Alvarez cleared her throat before starting. "It's nice to officially meet you, Ms. Haught, I've heard and read a lot about you over the past five years. It seems like you're an extraordinary woman."

Nicole thought she heard a slight menacing tone to her words but wasn't sure if that was the case. Alvarez continued before Nicole could respond, "Do you mind if I record this conversation?"

Nicole shook her head and nodded at her to start the recorder. As she started the recorder she looked down at her notebook to start the questioning.

"Can you state your full name?"

"Nicole Rayleigh Haught."

"What year is it?"

"2025."

"What year do you last remember before you disappeared?"

"2020, it was September."

Anna asked a few more questions to make sure Nicole was of sound mind before continuing with more direct questions.

"Do you remember anything from the day you disappeared?"

Nicole recounted the story she told Waverly the day before and filled in the blank spots with what Waverly had told her.

"When you returned, where were you? Is there anything different you noticed about yourself or your surroundings?"

Nicole told her about waking up in the woods and the white clothes. She told her about the wood cross and walking barefoot to town. She didn't mention that it was in search of Waverly.

As she kept talking to the detective, the lights in the room began to become very bright and Nicole had to squint her eyes. Anna's voice was muffled, seeming far away and Nicole closed her eyes, being taken somewhere else in her mind - at least, it had to be in her mind, right?

 

* * *

 

Wynonna and Waverly sat next to each other in folding chairs in front of the roaring fire they just started. They always did things this way. It was easier to get emotional with each other if they could focus on the flames instead of looking each other in the eyes. Waverly poked at the fire with the long stick next to her and waited for Wynonna to start the conversation. It didn't take very long.

"So baby girl," she popped her lips together, "what do you think about Haught-off-the-presses being back in town?"

Waverly released a breath she didn't know she was holding. "Great! So glad she's back." Even she didn't believe her fake enthusiasm.

"Come on baby girl, we don't get the fire started to bullshit each other here. Tell me how you're really feeling."

Waverly poked the fire one more time before putting her stick down and sighing, "Confused. Tired. Grateful. Upset. Happy. Conflicted. A lot of different emotions that go together as well as pineapple on pizza."

"Hey," Wynonna said pointing a finger at her sister, "you know I love me some pineapple on my pizza."

Waverly rolled her eyes before continuing, "It's just my reality three days ago isn't the same as it is today and I just wish things would slow down for one gosh darn minute!" 

She took a deep breath not really knowing where that came from, "Nicole being back is great. I'm so happy she okay and back where she belongs. But there are so many questions. I can't just act like the last five years never happened. It's weird because she's back and I- I still miss her."

Wynonna grabs her hand as they both stare into the fire, "I know baby girl. She needs us right now though. She's tough but that doesn't mean she doesn't need us. Nicole's the one with the most questions. To her, it's still like it's five years ago but she knows it's not. There's just a blank space where the last five years should be. Her reality is probably the most fucked up out of all of ours."

Waverly nodded her head. "I know. That's why I came over here to talk to her. I want to help her find answers. Be there for her as much as I can be."

Wynonna squeezed her hand. "Speaking of which, how's Alvarez? Still sporting her big dick around town?"

Waverly loosened her hand from Wynonna's grip and slapped her knee. "She's fine. We talked. She was convinced I was going to break up with her to be with Nicole."

"So you're not?" Wynonna asked in a quieter voice than before.

"No. I couldn't do that to her. And besides," she quickly added, "I wouldn't want to complicate things further for Nicole as she tries to remember the past five years and everything."

"Mhm," Wynonna said not completely buying it. She wasn't going to push it now but she backlogged it in her brain to bring up the topic again at a later time.

"Okay, well I have a little plan and want to know your options..." Wynonna said trailing off the conversation.

 

* * *

 

 

Nicole is in the woods. There's fog, lots of it, it's almost too thick to see in front of her. She can't hear Wynonna's voice anymore. A light shines through the fog and she follows it. The woods turns into a field of long grass that goes up to her hip, and she still walks towards the light. She looks down at her hand and the blood she saw before is gone. She keeps moving forward. She keeps moving until her hands reach a brick wall. She looks up and can't see the end of it. How tall is this building, or was it just a wall? Then there's a loud beeping noise and she's closing her eyes and putting her hand over her ears.

-

"Sorry about that, the recorder is running low on battery."

Nicole opens her eyes to Anna speaking to her and tries her best to act like she didn't just feel like she was somewhere else completely.

"I'll just go replace this real quick and we'll continue. Are you doing okay?"

Nicole just nodded her head and watched the detective go out of the room to get batteries. She rubbed the back of her neck, a nervous habit of hers, as she waited for her to return. She knew she couldn't say anything to her about the little episode she had, in case it would interfere with her mental evaluation. She needed to get back to work. Get some resemblance of normalcy in her life.

Anna reentered with the recorder and pressed play one more time.

"Okay, let just start where we left off. I think we're almost done. Do you remember anyone grabbing you or taking you somewhere?"

"No."

"Were there others with you?"

"I don't know, I don’t remember."

This went on for a few more questions before Anna gave a defeated sigh and paused the recorder.

"Okay, well that concludes our questioning. Thank you for cooperating so much Ms. Haught. If you don't mind, we're going to need you to have a medical exam before we can close your case."

"Close my case??" Nicole questioned, "But we haven't found out anything about my case."

"Well, no. But you're back and if you are medically sound, the FBI had no business here. There were other disappearances in other districts that we thought might match yours but everything you said so far doesn't match the M.O. I hope you understand."

Nicole nodded because she understood but that didn't make her any less upset about it. 

As she made her way to the medical examiner, she made a plan. If the FBI and the precinct weren't going to help figure out what happened to her, she was going to do it on her own. And maybe she could ask for some help from a spunky brunette with a knack for research...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you thought and feel free to add me on tumblr: toogayforthisbull


	6. Cars & Coffee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Waverly and Nicole try to have a productive day together, and we find out where Calamity Jane is 5 years after Nicole has last seen her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is late! Enjoy this chapter. We get a Wayhaught hang out... as friends.

Nicole returns to the homestead that evening, still steaming from her conversation with Detective Alvarez. The 45-minute walk did little to calm her nerves, and she was ready to talk to Wynonna about it, knowing the oldest Earp would probably solve their problems with a little whiskey.

However, when she entered the home she found it empty before she heard laughter and a bottle breaking from the backyard. She made her way to the kitchen and looked out the window to see Waverly and Wynonna around a fire passing a bottle of alcohol between the two of them. She couldn’t help a slight smile pulling at the corner of her mouth at the sight. As mad as she was, she wasn't going to disturb the sisters.

She looked over to the clock and noticed that it was starting to get late, and the day was catching up to Nicole. She needed to just relax and decompress from the day. She changed into a large t-shirt and leggings for bed and tucked herself in on the couch. She turned the tv on the History Channel, letting the sounds of a rerun of American Pickers pull her into a deep sleep.

 

* * *

 

Waverly and Wynonna were drunk, very drunk - even for Earps. Waverly knew she would have to sleep at the homestead, a place she hadn't slept in for almost five years. As quietly as they could, they put out the fire and made their way inside. They both lost track of time but it had to be past midnight at this point.

Waverly figured she would just take the couch, but when they entered the living room she saw a certain redhead stretched out on the worn couch, one leg sticking out of the blanket over her. Waverly went over and put her leg back in the blanket knowing she used to always complain it was cold in the middle of the night when that happened. She smiled down at her, tucked in a loose hair away from her face before, just as quickly, turning away.

She ended up sharing Wynonna's bed even though there are two other bedrooms in the house. Waverly wasn't ready to face those yet, so she woke up with Wynonna's arm over her stomach and her hair spread across her face. She carefully got up from the bed, attempting not to wake the older sister - Waverly knew how she could be when she woke up with a hangover. Luckily, Wynonna just turned over and hugged her pillow tightly with a grunt.

Waverly immediately drank the entire glass of water she put on the nightstand for herself and took ibuprofen. Feeling a pounding in her head, she was happy that today was the one day she took off from tutoring each week. Heading off to the bathroom, she got ready for her day. As she walked into the bathroom she looked in the mirror, gripping both sides of the sink, breathed deeply and said, "I can do this." Almost feeling ready to face the day she splashed her face with cold water and knew her mission for the day - talk to one Nicole Haught. 

  

* * *

 

Nicole woke up early and had a mental list of things she wanted to complete today. First thing on the list: go check on her car. As much as walking was good for her, her feet were killing her, the scabs from her walk from the forest didn’t help.

She got up from the couch, quickly got ready, and then prepped the coffee and left a note for Wynonna. She knew that if the sisters drank as much as she thinks they did, then she would definitely want coffee - and a lot of it. She prepped double the amount she usually does, just in case, and headed out to the barn.

Inside the barn the air was stale and the morning sun came in through the beams. It looked exactly the same as Nicole remembered it - besides a vehicle with a tarp over it on one side. Before she made her way over to the car, Nicole sat down on the makeshift bed on the other end of the barn, remembering a day her and Waverly shared together there.

 -

_Waverly led a blindfolded Nicole into the barn. She stopped her shortly after they walked through the doors and gave her a quick peck on the lips before lifting the blindfold off her face. As Nicole took in the room she gasped with wide brown eyes._

_There were string lights hanging all around the barn and pictures, from their past two years together, hanging from strings. There were red rose petals that led to a picnic blanket in the center, with a perfect little basket on top of it. Next to the basket was a bottle of wine and two glasses. Nicole took it all in and smiled at her girlfriend before picking her up for a deep kiss._

_"Happy second anniversary, baby," Waverly whispered between kisses as they slowed down._

_"Happy Anniversary, love," Nicole whispered back,  the lights sparkling in her eyes as she looked at her girlfriend._

_Waverly led her to the blanket and started taking out the contents of the basket. After she was done, a spread of fruit, cheeses, and homemade bread was in front of them._

_"I know it's not a lot but I didn't know what to get you... and I thought I could make it special, I didn't know if this was your thing but-"_

_Nicole cut her off, "Baby, it's perfect. I love it. I love you." She grabbed Waverly's hand intertwining their fingers. "This is way better than my present for you."_

_"You know I'll love whatever you got me," She said with a smile as she spread brie cheese over a slice of bread, “I always do.”_

_Nicole ducked her head as she adjusted slightly to reach into her pocket. She pulled out a small rectangular box, wrapped in red wrapping paper with a sparkly silver bow on top._

_"Would you like your present now then?" Nicole smiled widely at the other girl._

_Waverly clapped her hands together accidentally flinging the piece of bread she was eating across the barn. "Oops. Yes, please!"_

_Nicole handed the gift to her and watched as she carefully peeled the wrapping paper so she didn't tear it. When she finally slipped the box out, she opened it and looked back at Nicole with wide eyes._

_Inside the box was a small heart-shaped locket, no bigger than a quarter. Waverly took it out and opened it to reveal a 'W+N' engraved on the inside, alongside a picture from their first day at Purgatory Peak. She pulled her girlfriend closer and kissed her while still gripping onto her gift._

_"I love it. I love you. So very much," she said as she pulled herself into Nicole’s lap._

_"Forever?" Nicole asked and placed a kiss on Waverly’s nose._

_"And a day." Waverly finished._

_-_

Nicole felt tears build at the memory and got up to force them away. She made way to her car and stripped the tarp away with one yank. Her car had a few scratches and was dirty, but didn't look too bad for idling for the past five years.

She took off the flannel she was wearing, revealing a white tank top underneath, before opening the hood. She could see that it needed a few touch ups and knew the battery was probably dead. She started to mess around in the hood and decided to play some music on her phone.

"Please, baby can't you see my mind's a burning hell." Melissa Etheridge started singing. 

Nicole bobbed her head as she listened and worked on her car. She joined Melissa, singing along as the song went on.

"Cause some other woman is looking like something that might be good for you.

Go on and hold her til' the screaming is gone.

Go on and believe her when she tells you nothing's wrong."

She continued, belting out the next lyrics a little louder,

"But I'm the only one

Who'll walk across the fire for you

And I'm the only one

Who'll drown in my desire for you

It's only fear that makes you run

The demons that you're hiding from

When all your promises are gone

I'm the only one..." 

  

* * *

 

Waverly walked downstairs looking to see if Nicole was awake. It was about 9am so she thought there was a good chance. She looked around the living room but didn't spot the redhead but saw that the blankets from the couch were neatly folded at the end. She walked into the kitchen and saw a note on the counter beside the coffee maker.

"Wynonna, I set up your coffee for you (a little extra in case you drank too much last night) and will be out in the barn if you need me. Maybe we can start going through those boxes tonight before you go to work tonight? XO, Nicole."

Waverly smiled as she read Nicole's neat handwriting. She was used to the pages with that writing on it being worn but this one was crisp and new, just another sign that Nicole was back for good. She put the note down and with a deep breath, headed out to the barn.

  

* * *

 

Nicole was still singing along to Melissa Etheridge and didn't notice Waverly entering the barn until the brunette started to sing along as well.

"Please baby can't you see

I'm trying to explain

I've been here before and I'm locking the door

And I'm not going back again"

Nicole jumped as Waverly sang the last line with her. Quickly pausing the music, she turned to face her with wide eyes.

"Waves, you scared me." She said with her hand on her chest. "What are you doing here so early?"

Waverly looked at Nicole up and down. Her red hair was tied back in a ponytail. She thought that it was weird that it was the same length as it was five years ago - did she get haircuts wherever she was for that time? She had sweat lining her forehead and a white tank top on with some stains from the car on it.  As she looked, Waverly had to shake her mind free of activities they had done in that barn before that made Nicole sweaty in a similar manner. She quickly pushed that thought to the back of her mind and cleared her throat before she spoke.

"I stayed over with Wynonna. I * _might_ * have drunk a little too much last night. There was no way I was making it across town to my apartment in that state. How's old Petunia?"

Nicole smiled as Waverly mentioned her cars name. "She's seen better days but I think I can get her running pretty easily. Might have to take a trip into town to get some things from Dan's Motor. That place is still up and running right?" She wiped the sweat off her forehead and leaned her arm on the car.

"Yeah, Dan retired but DJ is running it now. I could go with you if you want. That way you don't have to walk... I mean unless you can suddenly fly or teleport."

Nicole laughed, "I can do neither of those things. But yeah, that sounds great. Thanks, Waves. I wanted to talk to you anyways."

"It's really no problem, Nic. It's my day off anyway. What'd you want to talk about?" Waverly asked with a soft smile.

Nicole winked at her and said, "That can wait until our trip into town."

Waverly felt a sudden heat rise to her cheeks and she turned back to the homestead before Nicole could notice. She had forgotten what a simple wink from the other woman could do to her. 

  

* * *

 

Waverly left another note for Wynonna as Nicole went to change her clothes. She came down in a beige sweater and dark jeans. Waverly smiled at her, "All ready to go?"

Nicole flashed a dimpled smile back and nodded, making her way to the door. As they walked over to Waverly's jeep, they both kept sneaking glances at each other. Each time they caught each other, they quickly looked at the ground in front of them.

They made it to the Jeep and both got in without saying a word. Waverly was the first to break the silence after driving for about five minutes. It wasn't an awkward silence but Waverly could tell Nicole had something to say to her and was holding back.

"So, what'd you want to talk about Nicole?"

Nicole fiddled with her thumbs in her lap, not knowing what to mention to Waverly but she was also never being particularly good at lying to her. "I don't want to come between anything but you know I can't lie to you..."

Waverly furrowed her eyebrows trying to think about what that sentence would inquire but kept her eyes focused on the road and waited for Nicole to continue.

Nicole took a deep breath in and let it out, blowing the hair that fell loose from her ponytail. "I went to the station yesterday and Detective Alvarez questioned me about my disappearance…” panic and uncertainty were already lacing her words, “if you can not mention any of this to her I would appreciate it, but I completely understand if you can't make that promise."

Waverly wasn't too surprised by this news but waited for Nicole to go on, she knew there was more to the story. She nodded and said, “It will depend on what you say next but if it’s not extreme or illegal, I promise not to tell her.”

Nicole nodded, still staring at her hands as she continued, "I can't tell you what happened during the actual questioning but after it was finished…” Nicole waited for a second and chanced a look a Waverly. She couldn’t get a read on her expression so she continued, “she said that they have decided to close my case. She said that it wasn't FBI business anymore since I've returned unharmed with no memory of what happened."

At that moment, Waverly was relieved to be at a red light. She turned so fast to face Nicole that she whacked her elbow on the center dash. She couldn't find the energy to care however, focused instead on the news she had just heard.

"What do you mean she closed your case?" She asked between her grinding teeth.

Nicole could tell she was mad. She had seen this anger in her direction before, and it was never pretty. She worried that she was going to cause a rift in Waverly's and Anna's relationship. Waverly made rash decisions when she was angry and she didn't want to come between the two women. As much as she missed being with Waverly,  she would never sabotage her relationship. More than anything, she wants Waverly to be happy - with or without her.

"I don't want this to cause any problems, Waverly. She was just doing her job. I understand but I thought you should know. And... I was also wondering if you wanted to help me investigate it on my own. It would have to be on the down low so you couldn't tell Anna, but I would love your expert research skills on my side." Nicole gave her a half smile and gently rubbed where she hit her elbow. 

Waverly let her anger subside for a moment and smiled at Nicole. "Of course I'll help." She turned her head back to the road, removing her elbow from Nicole’s touch and started to drive as the light turned green. "My lips are sealed and my brain is yours."

They pulled into the motor shop both with smiles on their faces. Both trying not to think about how much they missed that slight touch they shared in the car. 

After Nicole grabbed what she needed to fix Petunia, the two women decided to head to Waverly's tutoring studio to get a jump start on their investigation.

They walked up the stairs of Shorty's to the apartment. Waverly went to the side and pulled out a huge board that was a whiteboard on one side and a cork board on the other.

"Ta-daaa!" she announced sending jazz fingers in the direction of the board. "I usually use this for my more ‘intense’ tutoring sessions but I think it will be perfect for this. No one comes up here besides me and Wynonna on occasion. So if you want we can just keep all the research we do here. It's a little more private than anywhere else we have access to at the moment."

Nicole couldn't help but smile at the younger women's enthusiasm. "Okay," she clapped her hands and walked over to the board next to Waverly, "Where should we start?"

Waverly had Nicole recount what she remembered and Nicole told her about her most recent daydream. Waverly jotted different things on flashcards putting them on the corkboard. She also told Nicole she thought that they should get Jeremy to test the clothing she returned in for any residue.

After they made some progress, Nicole turned to Waverly with a strange look on her face. "You know, I've been so caught up in everything that I haven't asked about Calamity Jane. Is she okay? Is she with Nedley?"

Waverly looked at Nicole with pursed lips and crinkled her nose, "Actually, she lives with me. I didn't want too much to change for her once you were gone." Under her breath, she added, "And maybe I couldn't let go of that part of you."

Nicole didn't catch what Waverly said last but decided she probably wasn't meant to hear it. She quickly moved on to ask Waverly about the cat's wild antics since she's been away. Waverly chatted animatedly about everything CJ has gotten into and laughter quickly filled the small space they were in.

They spent the afternoon together like that, researching and talking the day away. Waverly forgot how easy it was to be in Nicole's presence. It was almost like before. Almost.

Waverly knew she had to keep Nicole preoccupied until the night anyways. Wynonna told her to bring her into Shorty's at 7pm so she followed suit. She knew her sister would start setting up at 6pm so at five-thirty she suggested that they go grab a bite to eat. They headed out together and Waverly hoped that Nicole would like the surprise that Wynonna was planning for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter: Wynonna has a surprise for Nicole but it doesn't end as expected. A storm is approaching. 
> 
> This chapter is already written so I'll have it up as soon as I edit it!


	7. Kisses & Peppermint

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wynonna has a surprise for Nicole and it doesn't end as planned. There's a mess, a kiss, and a storm - the perfect recipe for disaster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super quick update for making up for the late one! Warning: this chapter ends on a cliffhanger. Enjoy!

Waverly and Nicole walk into Shorty's at exactly 7:05pm. Waverly let Nicole walk in first, purposely staying behind the taller woman. Pushing the double doors into the bar, Nicole pauses as she enters - she walked into complete darkness. The bar opens at six every night so Nicole was confused, and maybe a little scared that they walked into the dark. However, when she looks back at Waverly the other woman just smiled and her worries melt away. She turns around to turn on the light and hears the loudest roar of "Surprise!"

She jumps as she spins around and sees what looks like the entire town crowded into Shorty's. Hanging from a beam is a banner that says, "Welcome back Nicole!!!" Waverly grabs onto her forearm, leading her further into the bar to the swarm of people waiting to greet her. From a back corner, Wynonna is grinning at her and Nicole can't help but smile.

She is greeted by people from all over town, from her old neighbor Brenda, who she used to mow her lawn for, to Little Sammy who she coached in little league, who was now 15 and not so little. It seemed like all of Purgatory was happy to see her back.

Everyone started breaking off into their own groups and Nicole finally made her way to Wynonna who was sitting in a booth in the back with Dolls and Doc.

"This was all your doing Earp, wasn't it?" Nicole asked with a knowing smile.

"A magician never tells her secrets." Wynonna replied with a sly smile.

"I don't think that's the right phrase for this occasion Wyn." Nicole laughed, "And I recognize your handwriting on the banner."

Wynonna shrugs and motions for Nicole to sit in the empty spot next to Doc. Dolls put his arm around Wynonna and Nicole raises her eyebrow at the oldest Earp. "Steady for a year now Red, get with the times." Nicole shook her head with a smile and turned to Doc, "And what about you cowboy?"

"I am but a lone wolf in the wind, darling."

The entire table erupted in laughter at that and Waverly made her way over to the group of friends. She squeezed in next to Nicole in the booth a put her hand gently over the redheads. "So, how does it feel to have the entire town of Purgatory welcome you back?"

"Good. It's good to see everyone. I can't believe the teeny kids I coached are all moody teenagers now. Also, I had no idea Champ ran away to Vegas and married a 52-year-old woman! And Chrissy had twins! God, it's good to catch up with everyone, I feel like I missed out on so much."

Waverly gave her hand a little squeeze before letting go and bringing her own to her lap. "Well, you're here now and we'll fill you in. You're not going to miss anything else."

The two women were staring at each other for a beat too long and momentarily forgot there were three other people at the table until Wynonna cleared her throat.

"I think some officers are calling for your attention Haught-stuff. Dolls, Doc and I are going to shoot some pool."

With that everyone left the booth and Waverly was alone. She could always go talk to Chrissy or anyone else for that matter, but she wanted to take a breather for just a moment. Her and Wynonna talked about the fact that Anna wasn't going to be invited since the night was for Nicole and she didn't know her before... everything. Still, Waverly was starting to feel guilty about the whole situation and felt that she was neglecting her girlfriend. Even if she was still mad at her, she knew they needed to talk She wanted to stay here for Nicole but knew she should talk to her girlfriend at some point tonight. For now though, she needed a breather. Relaxing into the booth she closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

 -

" _Everything okay there Ms. Earp?"_

_Waverly opened her eyes and saw Detective Alvarez standing in front of her at an otherwise empty bar. It was the day after the second anniversary of Nicole's disappearance and every year it seemed to get harder for the youngest Earp. She was back in town after her 'gone day' and went straight to Shorty's, trying to find something to numb the pain away._

_She was nursing a gin and tonic, her third drink she believed. Beer wasn't going to be enough today._

_"Yeah, super fine. Like never been so fine in my life." Waverly said quickly with sad eyes._

_Anna sat down across from her. She was wearing a bright pink cardigan over a shirt decorated in pastel flowers. Her hair was in a pristine ponytail and her makeup was subtle but extremely well done. Waverly noted how put together the other woman looked and knew that she probably looked like a run down Pizza Hut at the moment._

_"I know I don't know you that well Ms. Earp, but if you want to talk, I'm told I'm a pretty good listener - at least by my dog."_

_Waverly laughed softly and looked into the woman's bright blue eyes, seeing only concern and sincerity looming in them. "I know sometimes it can be easier to talk to someone who isn't directly involved. Someone who didn't know the vict- the person affected."_

_Waverly nodded her head. She only knew Detective Alvarez from when she had to talk to her about Nicole's disappearance. She has had to go into the station to follow up a few times over the years. Waverly also ran into her at the local bookstore about twice a month in the past year. She always seemed nice and waved at Waverly with a smile whenever she saw her._

_Waverly looked into her eyes and decided she could trust her. "Okay, but if we're going to get all emotional over drinks I'm going to need your first name first, Detective."_

_This could have been detected as flirting, if that wasn't the last thing on Waverly's mind and if Anna wasn't so good at reading people._

_The detective reached out her hand to Waverly and they shared a soft handshake, "Anna," she said with a smile._

_"It's nice to officially meet you, Anna."_

_Waverly ended up venting more than she thought she would to her new friend, and got drunker than she planned on. Six peppermint shots later, she was crying and falling down as she tried to go to the bathroom, which caused her to cry more. Anna helped her use the bathroom and brought her outside to get some air. She called Wynonna to pick Waverly up and they waited for her outside Shorty's._

_"I don't know why you're being so nice to me." Waverly slurred out. "I'm just a drunk girl with the ‘probably dead’ girlfriend."_

_Waverly tried to push off the wall of Shorty's but almost fell in the process. Anna caught her and looked her in the eyes._

_"You're so much more than that, Waverly."_

_Waverly looked into Anna's eyes and leaned in to kiss her, feeling something pushing her forward, maybe Nicole she thought. Anna quickly turned her head away from the kiss and got Waverly back up against the wall._

_As Waverly recollected herself, Wynonna pulled up next to them. She thanked Anna and got Waverly home, sleeping on the couch of her apartment to make sure she was safe._

_-_

Waverly opened her eyes and looked around the party. She must have been sitting there by herself for longer than she thought; people were starting to thin out and there was pretty much only about ten people left in the bar. Nicole was talking to a blonde woman Waverly didn't recognize at the bar, and Wynonna, Dolls and Doc were engaged in a heated game of darts. The boys versus Wynonna - they had no chance. Waverly decided it would be a good time to head out and texted Anna to see if she would come over tonight. She needed to feed CJ but still wanted to see her girlfriend, knowing they had a lot to talk about.

She headed upstairs to grab her coat. The upstairs apartment still had their research scattered around and open bags of chips littered the counter of the small kitchen. Before heading down, she decided to clean up their mess. Feeling content with how the room looked, she started down the stairs. She landed on the bottom step and looked around for Nicole, wanting to make sure she said goodbye before she left - the party was about her after all. 

As she scanned the room she saw Nicole still talking to the same woman. The woman's hand was on Nicole's forearm and they were laughing. Waverly walked closer slowly, not knowing if she should disturb the conversation. She was a few feet away when the blonde leaned in and kissed Nicole lightly.

Waverly's eyes got wide and she quickly made her way out of Shorty's, not wanting to see Nicole kiss her back. She had tears forming in her eyes and blamed the one beer she had tonight, she knew she shouldn’t be reacting this way but couldn’t help it. She got in her Jeep and drove the opposite way from her apartment.

  

* * *

 

Nicole was having a great night and was finally starting to feel a little normal. She went around the party talking to everyone and catching up on everyone's lives. She learned about Lisa's grandson graduating top of his class and going to Yale, Polly, who works at the grocery store, getting a divorce after her husband had a nasty affair, and a man came up to her and thanked her for saving him from an armed robber eight years ago.

The party was winding down when she saw her old neighbor from when she first moved to Purgatory. She was only there for a couple of months until she moved out to the big city. Nicole walked over and greeted the blonde-haired woman. "Kaylie! Hey, what have you been up to?"

Nicole sat in the stool next to Kaylie at the bar and they shared a sideways hug.

"Well, if it isn't the woman of the hour! I moved back to Purgatory last year after I got sick of the city, or got sick of running into my ex, whichever story you prefer." Nicole laughed and the two of them kept chatting over beers. 

Somewhere in the midst of their conversation Kaylie convinced Nicole to take peppermint shots, which anyone who had gotten drunk with Nicole would know, were her weakness. She was starting to feel a little more than tipsy and didn't notice Kaylie being a little more touchy than before. That is until she kissed her.

  

* * *

 

Wynonna walked over to Nicole now alone at the bar. "Red, have you seen your favorite Earp? I haven't seen her in about an hour and thought she would at least say goodbye before she left."

Nicole crinkled her nose in thought, something she only really did when she has had too much to drink. "Not since earlier when we were all at the booth. Maybe she went upstairs? Or back to her apartment and didn't want to bother us?"

Wynonna shrugged, "I'll check upstairs but if she's not there I'll call Anna. I just want to make sure she's okay and her phone keeps going straight to voicemail."

Before Wynonna could even turn towards the stairs to the apartment, her phone started ringing.

"Anna? Hey. Woah, calm down. 45 minutes ago? Did you check her apartment? No, she's not here anymore. Yeah, I'll go look for her. Just stay there in case she goes back, ok?"

Wynonna hung up and Nicole looked at her with questioning and slightly panicked eyes.

"Waverly's M.I.A. She told Anna to meet her at her apartment 45 minutes ago and hasn't shown up yet. That plus her not answering her phone aren't good signs, Haught." Wynonna paced as she talked, she almost whispered the next part, "I just don't know why she would run off."

Nicole got up quickly, stabilizing herself and stood in front of Wynonna. "I don't know why she ran off either Earp, but we have to go find her."

Nicole couldn't explain it but she felt that Waverly was in trouble. She sobered up quicker than she ever had and headed out of Shorty's with Wynonna by her side. They just made it out the door when the first raindrop fell. Ominous clouds lined the skies and Waverly was the only thing on the two women's minds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to yell at me in the comments or on tumblr: toogayforthisbull. Thank you all for reading and I love reading all the comments and seeing all the kudos! It means so much to me. Hope this chapter gave a little more insight into Anna. You'll learn how her and Waverly got together in future chapters! Let me know what you thought and where you think it should go / might be going.


	8. Crosses & Storms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nicole, Wynonna, and Anna all look for Waverly -who will find her? Will they find her? Does she want to be found? Does this seem to be a pattern?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three updates in 2 days?? Enjoy this chapter! It's a heavy one, so prepare.

Waverly doesn't know where she is going until she gets there. Parking her Jeep, she grabs a flashlight and makes her way to the perimeter marked by thick trees. She inhales the fresh air slowly, taking as deep of a breath as she possibly can, and makes her way down the thin, familiar path.

With her flashlight leading the way, it takes her about fifteen minutes to make it to her destination. She kneels next to the wooden cross and points her flashlight at the writing on it. She traces the letters with her fingers, N-I-C-O-L-E H-A-U-G-H-T. She leans against a tree nearby and closes her eyes, the flashlight on her lap.

 -

_Nicole has been gone for five days. Five days of searching, five days of crying. Waverly needed to be reminded it was real. She needed to be reminded she wasn't coming home for dinner. She needed to be reminded she wasn't coming home._

_Waverly went to the barn and gathered what she needed. She packed it into her Jeep, tears falling slowly down her cheeks._

_Arriving at her destination, she took out the bag of materials. It was heavier than expected, and with the fatigue of not sleeping for the past five days, she wasn't sure if she could carry it all the way. However, with fierce determination, she lifted it onto her shoulder and tried to find the easiest way to get to the clearing._

_Spotting a place where she could almost walk in a straight line to it, she headed off. Fifteen minutes later she made it and dropped the bag down, bringing herself with it._

_She took a steadying breath and unzipped the bag. Pulling out two pieces of wood, a few nails, a hammer, and a sharpie, she began her work. She put the two pieces of wood together, nailing them into place. She then took the sharpie and quickly wrote NICOLE HAUGHT on the horizontal piece. Standing it up, she looked at her handiwork. All out of tears, she nodded at it and scoped out a location for it._

_She found the perfect spot right after the end of the path she just walked down. Using the hammer, she banged it into the ground until she was sure it wouldn't move._

_She curled up next to it and laid there. She must have drifted off at some point because the next thing she knows she is being carried by Wynonna to her truck. Leaving her Jeep, and Nicole, behind._

 

* * *

 

Nicole and Wynonna check Purgatory Peak first. As they pull up, they don't see Waverly's Jeep but Nicole insists on checking around the area anyway. Raindrops fall heavier on their heads, after twenty minutes they decide to give up and decide to search elsewhere.

Getting back in the car, their hair sticking to their faces, they discuss their options and game plan.

"We should check the homestead just in case, maybe your old apartment, and the station. Can you think of anywhere else?" Wynonna asked as she made her way to the homestead.

"Maybe Anna's? I know she said she was waiting at Waverly's but what if Waverly went to Anna's apartment to see her?" Nicole asked, concern dripping from her words.

"Anna asked her doorman to notify her if Waverly shows up, so we should be good there. Maybe Gus and Curtis' old place? Maybe his grave?"

Nicole nodded but looked out the window as they drove. She had no idea where Waverly could be, but she sure as hell was going to find her.

  

* * *

 

Anna fed Calamity Jane, not knowing when Waverly was going to be back. The cat didn't necessarily like her, but she didn't dislike her either. She typically ignored Anna and Anna was fine with that. She was typically a dog person anyway.

CJ accepted her wet food with a grunt towards Anna. Anna freed her tight bun from her head and sat on Waverly's couch.

Although they've been dating for two years, the women had a mutual understanding that they wouldn't live together. Anna liked having her own space and often brought home confidential documents that she would spend all night scouring over.

Anna always understood that Waverly wasn't ready to move in with someone else, she had just gotten comfortable living on her own. Anna was also very particular about how she liked things and didn't want it to interfere with their relationship. They simply had an understanding. 

Sitting on Waverly's couch, she thought of this and how much has happened in the past two years. Even in the past week. Their relationship has probably been tried more in the past week than ever before.

She also thought about how worried she was about her girlfriend. In the past two years, she has never done anything like this. It was so unWaverly-like. Sure, she had her ‘gone days’ but those were scheduled in a way, this seemed more of an impulse disappearance and she wondered what had triggered it. She stood up from the couch and made her way to the window.

The sky was dark and there was no moon in sight, the thick clouds covering it. As she looked outside, the first bolt of lightning flashed through the sky.

Pulling on hiking boots and a rain jacket, she stepped outside. She put her hair in a quick ponytail and decided she couldn't wait around any more. She had to try to find her. She went in her silver Audi and started off towards an uncertain destination with only Waverly’s safety in mind.

  

* * *

 

Wynonna and Nicole searched thoroughly through all five places they listed off, plus a couple of extras, and were still coming up empty-handed. It had now been a few hours and it was getting late and the storm was getting stronger. They realized they were running out of places to look, Purgatory was big enough but mostly filled with nothing. 

"We checked the high school, Willa's and Daddy's grave, even Champ's old house, and we got nada. Where else is there to even look?" Wynonna scoffed, getting frustrated.

"I honestly have no idea," Nicole said, allowing her doubts of finding the woman weigh heavy on her, "it's like she just disappeared."

Wynonna's eyes got wide and she suddenly started accelerating the truck that was just parked.

"What are you doing?" Nicole asked with panicked eyes.

"I know where she is," Wynonna answered with determination.

 

* * *

 

Waverly felt the rain coming down on her but she just felt numb. Usually, the rain would make her feel freezing cold, especially in the current 45° Fahrenheit temperature. However, as she looked up at the rain falling down on her, she felt nothing. No pain, no cold, no feelings, no Anna, no Nicole. She didn't want to feel anything. She traced Nicole's name until her hand got tired. She leaned against the same tree she did the first time she came out here and thought about how she didn't know * _why_ * she was out here.

Nicole had kissed someone else. So what? She's single, Waverly thought. She can kiss whoever she pleases. But why did it hurt so much? Why doesn’t she want her to kiss anyone else?

I'm with Anna, Waverly thought. I'm happy with Anna. I'm Nicole's friend now. We're friends. Friends who sit crying at the other's faux grave because they kissed someone else. Yeah, friends.

Waverly thought about Nicole and Anna and cried. She was crying for so long, she didn't notice her flashlight burning out, leaving her in complete darkness, the rain pounding down around her.

  

* * *

 

_Waverly visited the wooden cross every day. It was now three weeks after Nicole disappeared. The search for her was slowly dying down. Waverly sat in front of the cross she made and talked to Nicole._

_She couldn't explain it but Waverly always felt closer to Nicole here. The homestead felt further away from her than anywhere else, but in the clearing, she felt that Nicole was almost there with her. The only times she felt this close to her were here in the woods and when Calamity Jane curled up on her lap._

_Every time she came here, she wrote a letter to Nicole. She thought that maybe if she couldn't hear her, she could see what she was writing. She could see that she was here - waiting._

_Waverly knew that Wynonna checked on her, no matter how sly the older Earp thought she was. Wynonna would watch her from behind some trees each day, making sure she was okay. She would leave after a while and wouldn't say anything about it when Waverly returned home._

_Sitting in front of the cross, on the picnic blanket Nicole used on their first official date, Waverly pulled out her notebook and pen. She traced the letters on the wood with her finger before beginning to write._

_"My love,_

_I am sitting here, once again, in front of the place where they took you away from me. In front of the place where my heart was taken from my body._

_Our anniversary was yesterday. Three years from the day I first admitted I wanted to be more than friends. I'm still wearing the locket you got me last year. A reminder that you were here, that you were real. Your gift for this year is still hidden in Wynonna's room. I hope I can still give it to you one day._

_For now, I give you this letter. And as always, I give you my heart. Never doubt, that even now, you have my heart. I cannot imagine the day anyone else has it, for it is gone with the girl I gave it to. The girl with fiery red hair and a smile that warms me up on the coldest nights._

_I've been so cold since you've been gone._

_We keep on looking but you have vanished with the light. I come here in the early morning, hoping the light will return you. Hoping that you will walk out as the sun rises into the sky._

_I always knew you were the light but I couldn't imagine how dark my life would be without you. Everything is dim except when I am here. Here, I am with you. Here, everything is a little bit brighter._

_I am waiting for you, Nicole. Waiting for you to return to me, to return home. I follow the light and hope that you are there. I love you. For forever and a day._

_Always yours,_

_Waverly"_

  

* * *

 

Wynonna pulls up to the edge of the woods and rummages around the truck looking for something. She pulls out a large silver flashlight and hands it to Nicole. Looking into wide brown eyes she says, "Go get our girl, Haught."

Nicole doesn't question why Wynonna stays in the car, she doesn't question why she didn't go find her herself, she just runs.

With the flashlight illuminating in front of her, she runs as fast as she can through the woods. Water soaks through her sneakers and into her socks, her hair is sticking to her face and her clothes are completely soaked. Despite all of that, she doesn't seem to care. She only thinks of Waverly. She runs and thinks of Waverly. 

She makes it to the clearing in record time, panting as she shines the flashlight around. It is dark, really dark, and she has to do a double take when she spots something by her makeshift grave marker.

What she thought might have been an animal, was Waverly. Nicole approaches her quickly and kneels beside her. Waverly is in a ball, her clothes soaked from the rain and eyes puffy from crying.

Nicole tentatively touches her back, rubbing it softly. Waverly looks up with tears in her eyes. Nicole feels just how cold she is and can’t believe she’s been out in the rain this whole time. 

They both don't say anything. Nicole pulls Waverly into a hug and the smaller woman crumbles into her. They stayed like that for a while before a bolt of lightning lit up the sky. Nicole picks Waverly up with one swoop and starts walking towards where Wynonna parked the truck, holding the crying girl as tight as she can.

  

* * *

 

Anna found herself at the edge of the woods. She had been to the site of Nicole's disappearance multiple times, searching for clues that never seemed to be there. She wasn't sure why she knew Waverly was there. Waverly hadn't visited the site since the first year of the incident. But Anna had a feeling and had to at least check, not knowing where else to look.

She parked her car and walked carefully through the woods, avoiding puddles and roots sticking up. She saw a light in the distance and slowly made her way to it.

She was still hidden by trees at the edge of the clearing when she spotted Waverly. Nicole was holding onto Waverly tight and Waverly had her head buried into the other woman's neck.

Standing there looking at the two women, Anna made a decision. She nodded her head at her choice and turned around. She made her way back to her car and drove to her apartment. She knew Waverly was safe and being taken care of, that was enough for now. They would talk soon.

 

* * *

 

Nicole placed Waverly in the car and Wynonna put a blanket around her. They were all soaked. Wynonna had dried off slightly but Nicole and Waverly's lips were purple and both were shaking. Wynonna turned the heat all the way up and drove towards the homestead. 

Nicole and Wynonna helped Waverly inside the house. She still hadn't spoken a word. Once inside, Wynonna went upstairs to change and shower. Nicole set up a bath for Waverly in the downstairs bathroom and laid dry pajamas out for her. She led Waverly to the bathroom once the bath was drawn. She put a towel next to the bath and told Waverly to call out if she needed anything.

Nicole left the bathroom and changed her out of her own wet clothes, deciding to take a shower after she knew Waverly was going to be okay. She waited in the living room and turned on the TV for background noise.

An episode of Forensic Files later, Waverly opened the bathroom door and sat down on the couch with Nicole. For the first time since they found her, she spoke.

"I'm sorry." She said staring down at her hands in her lap. Her voice was small, the TV almost drowning it out.

Nicole moved closer to her and nudged her shoulder. "You don't have anything to be sorry for. Just don't scare me like that again, okay?"

Waverly nodded, her eyes still fixated on her hands.

"What happened, Waverly?" Nicole asked gently.

Waverly took a deep breath, "I guess I just panicked and wanted to feel close to you."

Nicole grabbed one of Waverly's hands and gently squeezed it. "Waverly, I'm right here. You didn't have to go to the middle of the woods to feel close to me. I'm right here."

Waverly shook her head but didn't let go of Nicole's hand. "You were catching up with everyone else, I didn't want to intrude. After... everything that happened, I used to go there - I used to talk to you there. It made me feel better - like maybe something horrible didn't happen to my girlfriend."

She took another deep breath and squeezed Nicole's hand, not noticing how Nicole’s eyes flutter at the word ‘girlfriend.’ "I just had to remind myself that it happened. That this isn't five years ago. I needed to remind myself that you were gone and that you're back." Waverly looked at Nicole and added, "I'm sorry for scaring you."

Nicole put her arm around Waverly and let her rest her head on her shoulder. "It's ok, Waves. I understand. But I wasn't the only one worried. I've never seen Wynonna so frantic, and Anna called Wynonna and was so worried about you." Waverly stiffened then and Nicole added, "Wynonna already texted her that you were safe and spending the night here."

Waverly relaxed again and they sat in comfortable silence, the only sounds coming from the TV.

"I missed you," Waverly whispered, her head still on Nicole's shoulder.

"I missed you too, Waverly," Nicole said as she placed a blanket over the two of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Feel free to yell at me in the comments or on tumblr: toogayforthisbull. I love seeing all your comments and kudos! Shoutout to everyone who comments on every chapter as I update, you're my favorites. 
> 
> Next chapter: Anna talks to Waverly and we take a journey through their relationship.


	9. Anna

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anna talks to Waverly and we take a trip through their relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy this chapter! I was nervous about posting this one so let me know what you think...

Anna was a very rational person. She was neat, organized and always thought everything through. She came to Purgatory to investigate a disappearance. She was supposed to stay for three months and head on back to the big city. That was the plan - and she always followed the plan. But she stayed. And now it was five years later. She stayed because all of her rational thought went away when it came to one Waverly Earp.

 -

_It was a month after Nicole disappeared. The FBI had just been assigned the case and Detective Alvarez made her way to Purgatory, she was the lead detective on the case. Her first task in the case was to question the people in the victim's life. The first person she brought in was Wynonna Earp. She was the last person to see Nicole Haught before she vanished._

_Wynonna's eyes were sunken in and emotionless as she relayed what happened in the woods. Her voice was monotone and everything she said was very matter of fact. She was told Officer Haught was her best friend, but you wouldn't be able to tell it from this interaction. Anna thanked her for coming in at the end of the questioning and brought in the next person, Wynonna's sister, Waverly Earp, the girlfriend of the victim._

_Waverly walked into the room with a smile on her face. Anna could see that it was forced, but couldn't help but think how beautiful it was anyways. She sat down across from Anna and offered her hand, "Hi! I'm Waverly Earp."_

_"Thank you for coming in Miss Earp," the detective said shaking her hand, "I'm Detective Alvarez. If you don't mind I'm just going to ask you a few questions about your girlfriend and her disappearance." Waverly nodded her head and they went on with the questioning._

_Waverly looked both sad and happy when talking about Nicole, Alvarez noticed. She smiled but her eyes were full of pain. She could see how much the girl was trying to keep herself together. How hard this all was for her. Anna couldn’t help her heart from breaking a little every time she looked in Waverly’s eyes._

_Waverly told the detective the small amount of information she knew about the disappearance. She also told her information about Nicole that might help them when they found her. What to say if she seemed confused, not to call her parents, to tell her Waverly was going to be there soon._

_Alvarez could see how much Waverly loved Nicole. As they concluded the interview she decided two things. One: that she was going to do everything she could to find Nicole and bring her back to Waverly. And two, if she couldn't find Nicole, she was going to make sure Waverly was taken care of and that she was okay. She didn't know why, but she knew then, she would do anything for Waverly Earp._

 

* * *

 

Anna called Waverly after she woke up. She knew she was at the homestead from Wynonna's text, and since her cell phone wasn't on, she called their home phone.

"Hello, Earp residence, Nicole Haught speaking." Nicole said, answering the phone.

"Hi, Nicole. Is Waverly there? It's Anna calling." Anna knew Nicole was there but she still felt some emotions spark up when she answered the phone. Emotions she quickly simmered down.

"Yeah, of course, let me go grab, um get, her for you." Nicole put down the phone and went to get Waverly.

Waverly picked it back up a few moments later, "Hey Anna." She said softly, "I'm sorry for last night, for inviting you over and not being there. For making you worry."

Anna shook her head before she realized Waverly couldn't see her. "I'm just glad you're okay Waverly. Do you have time to come over today? I don't work until tonight and I would really like to talk to you, if you can."

Waverly nodded, also forgetting that people can't see you over landlines. "My first tutoring session isn't until 3pm today. I can be over in 15 minutes if that works for you."

"Sounds great, Waves. I'll see you soon." She took a breath of air before adding, "I love you."

Waverly nodded again, "I'll see you soon, baby."

Anna hung up and looked around her apartment. It was impossibly neat and clean but she still decided to 'clean up' before Waverly got there. Scrubbing already spotless surfaces, she impatiently waited those 15 minutes.

 

* * *

 

_The day after helping a drunk Waverly at Shorty's, Anna gets a call from the younger woman. Waverly apologizes profusely for her behavior and demands that she be allowed to make it up to Anna. Anna laughs and shakes her head, knowing it's probably not the best idea, but also not being able to say no to Waverly. This is how she ends up walking into a coffee shop searching for Waverly Earp._

_Waverly is so put together when Anna spots her, that she thinks she must have a magical hangover cure. She's in a light pink sweater and jeans, and has the widest smile on her face when she spots Anna from across the cafe._

_Anna approaches her and Waverly hands her a coffee. "You always had a plain coffee with 3 sugars and no milk when I would go into the station, so that's what I got you. Is that okay?"_

_Anna smiled as she took a seat in the booth, "That's perfect."_

_Waverly took her own seat and took a sip of the tea she got herself. "I really wanted to apologize for last night. I'm sorry I laid so much of my emotional baggage on you. And that at the end of the night you had to take care of me and make sure I got home safe. It's kind of embarrassing." Waverly stumbled out as she looked down at the tea she was drinking._

_Anna shook her head slightly, her black hair that just reached her shoulders swishing back and forth. "There's no need to be embarrassed Waverly. Everyone needs someone sometimes. I'm just happy that I was there and not someone like Champ Hardy."_

_Waverly snorted and almost spat out the tea she was sipping. "Yeah, you're definitely better than my ex-boyfriend."_

_"Hardy is your ex?? I've seen him at the station seven times in the past two months!" Anna said with wide eyes, making Waverly laugh._

_The two women chatted over coffee for the next hour. Eventually, Anna had to leave to go over some files back at the station._

_"Thank you for everything Detective Alvarez." Waverly said sticking her hand out for a handshake once they reached the door of the cafe._

_"Please, my friends call me Anna. And it was no problem Waverly Earp."_

_Waverly forgot the handshake and brought Anna in for a quick hug before they parted their ways. Anna already knew she was in trouble._

 

* * *

 

The fifteen minutes passed by and, soon enough, Waverly was knocking on Anna's door. Anna answered it and looked at Waverly, then down at the floor, before letting her in.

"I made you some tea." Anna said as she set a cup on the coffee table in front of Waverly. Waverly took the tea, quietly thanked Anna, and sat on the couch. Rather than sit right next to her, Anna sat on the chair across from her. Knowing the younger woman might want some space after she told her her news.

"Waverly, you scared me last night, but we are not going to talk about that right now. I'm glad you're okay." Anna took a deep breath, "I'm going to tell you something and you're not going to be happy about it, but it's what has to happen."

Waverly looked on with curious but concerned eyes and waited for Anna to continue.

"I'm leaving Purgatory. With Nicole's case closed, there are no work-related things keeping me here. I'm going back to the big city where there are more active investigations. Where they need me more."

Waverly eyes filled with tears and she looked down at her hands.

"When are you leaving?" she asked with a small voice, slightly cracking at the end of the question.

Anna nodded her head once as she said, "In two weeks. I have some things to finish up here and then I head back."

Waverly looked up at Anna with tears falling down her face silently. "So just like that? You're just going to 'finish up' with me and act like the past two years never happened? Like you never came to Purgatory in the first place?"

Anna quickly moved next to Waverly and put her arm around her, pulling her closer. At first Waverly resisted and stiffened her body, but after a moment Anna felt her relax into her shoulder.

"Waverly, you know that's not how it is. You know this is what has to happen." Anna absentmindedly played with the shorter girl's hair as she talked. "I- I had to break your heart before you broke mine."

 

* * *

 

_Anna was sitting at the bar of Shorty's waiting for Waverly. It was six months after their first night in Shorty's and the two were fast friends. As she was waiting, Dolls approached and sat next to her._

_"Alvarez." he greeted her._

_"Dolls." she greeted back._

_They knew each other from the station but had only ever talked in passing. Dolls worked for the CIA or some other government organization, he would never disclose which one._

_"You have feelings for her, don't you?" Dolls asked, looking straight at the bar in front of him._

_Alvarez looked over at him, shocked, but then just looked down and nodded._

_Dolls nodded back. "I thought so. Just be careful okay? She's not the same since... she's more broken than she appears. If anything happens, be careful with her."_

_"I would never do anything to hurt her." Alvarez said softly._

_"You also know you could lose your job right? This situation... you have to tread it lightly." Dolls said while ordering a beer for himself._

_"I know. I don't even know if that's what she wants. She's calling the shots here, I'm just along for the ride. I just want her to be happy." Alvarez confessed._

_Dolls looked over at her, "You're good for her. Just remember to look out for yourself too, Detective."_

_Before Anna could answer, Waverly walked in._

 

* * *

 

Anna held Waverly as she cried until it was time for her tutoring session. Anna saved her tears for later, she knew they would come.

She made sure Waverly was cleaned up and they had a long hug and quick kiss goodbye. Anna knew Waverly would be okay. She had Nicole again. Even if she wasn't the one that found her, Nicole was back, she would make sure Waverly was taken care of. Anna thought that she might be okay too. It would take some time, but she would be okay. She was allowed to love Waverly for some time and that was enough. Because anyone who knew Waverly would know, to be a part of her life at all, was enough.

 

* * *

 

_It was a week before the third anniversary of Nicole's disappearance. Anna knew it was going to be hard for Waverly so she tried to keep her mind off of it. She brought her to the Purgatory Petting Zoo, binged all eight Harry Potter movies, played Scrabble countless times, and even took her out clubbing with Wynonna one night._

_Two nights before what Anna knew was going to be Waverly's 'gone day', they were cuddling on Anna's couch watching an episode of Gossip Girl. Anna didn't care much for the show that much but it made Waverly happy and kept her mind from going dark._

_This wasn't unusual for them. As the year went on and they became closer, they often cuddled and watched TV together. They were comfortable. Waverly was laying down with her head on Anna's lap as Anna absentmindedly played with her hair. Serena was heading out of town on a train when Waverly looked up at Anna._

_"Why are you doing all of this?" Waverly asked Anna, still laying in her lap. Her voice didn’t sound menacing, just generally curious._

_Anna scrunched her eyebrows and nose, "Doing what?"_

_"Watching shows you don't like with me, bringing me ice cream after your shift, taking me and my sister out... it goes on. Why are you doing all of this for me?"_

_Anna looked deep into Waverly's eyes, "Because I want to Waverly. I care about you. I want you to make you happy, to make you smile like you do when you point out the continually errors in this show. You deserve to be happy, Waverly. "_

_Waverly slowly sat up from Anna's lap, never breaking eye contact. She then leaned in and kissed her, slowly, tentatively. Anna could've sworn the whole world stopped. During that kiss, she already knew she loved Waverly Earp. She hoped one day, she might love her back._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shoutout to Nyxxyn for reading through this for me and making me feel better about posting it! I hope this gave you all more context for Anna's and Waverly's relationship. Feel free to yell at me in the comments or on tumblr: toogayforthisbull. 
> 
> Next chapter: Waverly deals with Anna leaving and Nicole decides to go through a break up phase


	10. Ice Cream & Shots

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Waverly and Nicole are going through their own breakups and dealing with them in their own ways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New update! I will probably start updating this 1-2 times a week now. Enjoy this chapter!

Waverly didn't say she loved Anna, and she still left. She packed her car and Waverly watched her drive out of town. She said goodbye, but she left. Everyone would always leave, even if they came back. No one in her life has ever stayed. She didn't cry. After Nicole, her tears were dried up. She didn't cry but it still hurt. It always hurt.

  

* * *

 

Nicole was at the homestead eating a pint of Ben & Jerry's while watching Coyote Ugly. The only time she saw Waverly in the past two weeks were to work on her case, which wasn't going anywhere. Waverly spent the rest of her time tutoring, with Anna before she left, or for some reason, picking up shifts at Shorty's. Nicole was pretty sure she was avoiding her. So, in the meantime, she decided to properly mourn their relationship - to go through a proper post-breakup ritual. She didn't get this since their breakup was well, untraditional, so she thought she owed it to herself.

She had the homestead to herself for the night with Wynonna working at Shorty's. She took a bath while listening to her breakup playlist and was now camped out in front of the TV with her favorite feel-good movie.

She had a good cry while listening to Lady Gaga and Rihanna earlier, and as the movie came to an end, she was ready for bed. Turning off the light and tucking herself into the couch, she was prepared for a good night's sleep. That is until the nightmares came.

  

* * *

 

Waverly was working with Wynonna at Shorty's that night because of a bartender the week before quitting. And she didn't mind the distraction. There was too much on her brain that she wasn't ready to confront yet. So, she poured four shots of whiskey, gave three of them to the men waiting, and took one herself, hissing slightly as it burned down her throat. 

After the three men left, the bar was empty. It was unusual for a Saturday night, but the sisters took it as a chance to rest for a moment. Wynonna walked up next to Waverly and sat up top the counter she was leaning on.

"Okay baby girl, spill," Wynonna said nudging Waverly with her foot.

"I have no idea what you're talking about Wyn." Waverly replied as she turned around and started to clean a glass to keep busy and ignore her sister’s questioning. 

"Well, Anna's gone... does that mean you're getting back with Big Red now?"

"No! I'm not just hopping from girl to girl. Who do you think I am? Anyways, I'm too busy focusing on my tutoring." Waverly said as she rubbed the already clean glass a little too roughly. 

Wynonna could tell Waverly was getting frustrated and angry. She was cleaning the same glass with the amount of vigor you would clean a wine stain on a white carpet. However, Wynonna needed to tell her sister what was on her mind, she couldn't keep it in any longer.

"It's not hopping! You've always loved Nicole. If she never went missing you would have never even dated Anna. You know I never liked her anyways, getting involved with my baby sister while investigating my best friend's case." She mumbled the last part, still a little miffed at the situation, even if it had been two years.

Waverly rolled her eyes, "You know it wasn't like that. She cleared everything through with her job and she worked tirelessly to find Nicole the whole time we were dating and even before that. I cared about her a lot and I can't pretend like Nicole didn't just disappear for five years, because she did. She did and it took me three years to get the courage to date someone else. So no, I'm not going to just jump back into Nicole's arms just because she's back again." 

Waverly put the glass she was cleaning down with a thud and walked to the other side of the bar to help a customer that just walked in. Wynonna could tell there was more than what Waverly was saying, but she wouldn't push, not tonight at least. Maybe they needed to fire up the fire pit one more time.

  

* * *

  

_Nicole was running but she couldn't see. She felt heat all around her and heard harsh whispers in her ears._

_"She's breaking the order."_

_"What do we do with her?"_

_"How did she get here?"_

_Nicole felt like she was going in circles. "Where am I?" she shouted, but there was no reply. The harsh whispers vanishing in the wind._

_She could now open her eyes but everything was too bright. Everything was white besides a perimeter of fire. No one was around her. She was alone. Where was she?_

_Suddenly the fire started going closer but she couldn't run away from it. Her feet were stuck in place, she couldn't move, couldn't breathe. She could feel the heat coming towards her. The fire enveloped her._

  - - -

Nicole woke up with a start. She tossed all her blankets off of her, suddenly feeling hot. She looked around for a piece of paper and pen in the moonlit room. She found an old piece of mail and a pen and quickly wrote down everything she could remember from her dream. Holding the paper up, she looked over her hurried handwriting. Pleased that she would be able to read it in the morning, she placed it inside the book she'd been reading on the nightstand.

She stood up, wanting to clear her head. The redhead carefully stepped through the dark living room and stopped at the window. Looking out, she saw that the moon was full and bright. She closed her eyes and thought of the last full moon she could remember.

- 

_Waverly walked into the living room of the homestead with an overflowing bowl of popcorn. In the living room, there were sheets stretched out across the room, hanging from chairs to make up a fort. Inside the fort were string lights hanging, pillows and blankets lining the floor, and Wynonna and Nicole trying to set Netflix up on the laptop._

_Waverly joined them and the three of them piled under the blankets, Waverly tucked underneath Nicole's arm._

_"Okay ladies, it is a full moon tonight so you know what that means..." Wynonna announces dramatically. "Coyote Ugly! Then, The Wolfman because Haught says it's a 'classic', and lastly Twilight because baby girl wants to see Taylor Lautner shirtless. Let's begin!"_

_They started the tradition of full moon nights a few years ago. They said it was to keep Wynonna out of trouble but really Waverly and Nicole just wanted to make sure she didn't feel excluded from their lives. They wanted a tradition for just the three of them. There were a few rules to Full Moon Night: 1. No boys, 2. No kissing from any participants, 3. They each got to choose a movie and no one could argue, 4. No sleeping until the last movie ended. The fourth one was usually the only one broken, and usually by Waverly. They started to put her movie last to see if she would stay up to actually watch it. However, she still ended up falling asleep most of the time, tucked into Nicole's chest and lightly snoring._

_They were all watching Coyote Ugly and all three of them started to dramatically sing, almost knocking down the fort._

_"You can try to resist_

_Try to hide from my kiss_

_But you know_

_But you know that you can't fight the moonlight_

_Deep in the dark_

_You'll surrender your heart_

_But you know_

_But you know that you can't fight the moonlight_

_No, you can't fight it_

_It's gonna get to your heart"_

  

* * *

 

Waverly woke up the next morning and groaned. Her alarm was blaring in her ears and she looked over at the time: 6:30am. She had a 7am tutoring session and was quickly regretting the shots she took during her shift last night. Luckily, she just crashed in her tutoring studio so she just had to get dressed and go over her notes real quick.

She looked around the room and her eyes landed on the board she was using to help Nicole with her case. They hadn't had any big findings yet but Waverly had to admit she hadn't been working as hard as she could have been. She was trying to limit her time with Nicole, not wanting to admit the lingering feelings there. The feelings that never truly went away in the first place. The feelings she has been trying to ignore since she came back and even more so since Anna has left. 

However, looking over at the board, she felt guilty. She knew she was being a shitty friend and Nicole didn't deserve that, especially after everything. Nicole should be ready to go back to work next week if everything goes well, so Waverly decided to call her after her session to work on the case more. While Nicole still had the time.

It definitely wasn't because Waverly missed the redhead. It was too soon after Anna anyways. Anna. Anna, who just left. Anna, who she dated for two years. Right.

Anyways, she knew why she couldn't let Nicole and her happen again. She couldn't let any of it happen again.

  

* * *

 

Nicole woke up the next morning to the sound of her cell phone ringing. Her and Wynonna had gone out the week before to get her a new one and she was still getting used to it. Wynonna set her ringtone to Usher's 'Yeah!' and Nicole groaned as the song filled the living room.

"Hello," Nicole answered sleepily, it took her a while to go back to sleep and she wasn't sure how much sleep she'd actually gotten.

"Oh, I'm sorry - did I wake you up?" A concerned Waverly mumbled over the phone. "I just thought since it was after ten that'd you be awake, I can always call back later. It's not really urgent. I just thought..."

Waverly was rambling. It made Nicole smile and she straightened up on the couch, stretching to wake up.

"Just didn't get a lot of sleep last night, Waves. Don't worry about it. I'm happy you woke me up, I probably would've slept all day. You know how much I hate that."

"Right," Waverly chuckled nervously. "Anyways, I was wondering if you wanted to come over. To, um, to work on your case! I figured we'd get more done before you go back to the station next week."

"Sure, I didn't have much planned for the day. I wanted to test Petunia anyways, I just got her running the other day but I haven't gotten a chance to ride her around. Meet you at Shorty's in 30 minutes?"

"Sure, sure. I'm already here so just let me know when you leave the homestead. See you soon Nicole."

Nicole quickly got dressed and ready and headed to the newly fixed Petunia with a skip in her step. Waverly hadn't reached out to hang out with her since everything happened with Anna, and Nicole missed her. They hung out some but it was always Nicole who initiated it and it felt *different* somehow.

Nicole put the key in the ignition of her car and prayed that it would start. Nicole has her eyes closed and let a little victory yelp out when the engine started.  She headed on her way to Waverly, feeling happier than she had in a while. She was glad that she thought to renew her license the week before. Having her car back meant having a piece of her old life back, and she desperately needed that right now. She was returning to the station soon, had her car up and running, and might have a chance at getting Waverly back. Things were looking up. That is until Petunia decided to stop running halfway to Shorty's on an empty road.

Nicole went to call Waverly on her cellphone and realized there was no reception. Just great, so much for the good mood she was in. She checked under the hood and fiddled with the car but nothing seemed to be working. With a huff she started walking the rest of the way towards Shorty's, hoping Waverly wouldn't be that mad that she was late.

  

* * *

 

It was now 45 minutes since Nicole told Waverly she was on her way. Nicole was still not at Shorty's and not answering her phone. The drive to Shorty's from the homestead was only 20 minutes, making Nicole 25 minutes late already. Waverly paced the upstairs apartment, looking out the window every few minutes to see if she could spot red hair approaching. Every time she was disappointed; Nicole was always on time. The whole time Waverly has known Nicole, she had never been late, never without telling her first.

What if something happened to her? What if whatever had taken her the first time came back? What if she went away again? What if she got in an accident? She hasn't driven in five years.

Waverly started to hyperventilate and decided she wasn't just going to sit around this time. She was going to go find her. She grabbed her keys and headed out of Shorty's, exactly half an hour after Nicole should have been there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you thought in the comments or on tumblr: toogayforthisbull. What do you think/hope will happen next? 
> 
> Next chapter: Waverly and Nicole talk about their feelings and Nicole finds something she wasn't supposed to.


	11. Pictures & Bandages

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Waverly confronts feelings about Nicole that have been stirring and Nicole finds something that she isn't sure she was meant to see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had this chapter planned out for a while so it got written faster than I thought! Get ready for the angst.

Waverly finds Nicole sitting on the side of a road with her shoe off. She almost missed her, driving too fast in no particular direction. Only, she would notice that red hair anywhere. One glimpse as she passed by had her slamming on her brakes. She quickly got out and ran toward where Nicole was sitting, her shoeless foot in her lap.

"Nicole! What are you doing? Are you okay?" Waverly said as she approached Nicole, kneeling beside her.

"Ouch. Yeah, I'm okay Waves. I stepped on a nail and it went through my shoe, but it's, ouch, only a flesh wound. Sorry, I'm late. I tried to call but there wasn't any reception and my car broke down but-"

Nicole was looking at Waverly with panicked eyes, but Waverly cut her off before she could continue, kneeling next to her and putting a hand to the other woman’s cheek. 

"Nicole. It's okay. I was worried, but you're safe. Let's get you inside and clean up that wound, okay?"

Nicole nodded, and Waverly put her arm under the taller woman to help her up. Nicole limped her way to the Jeep with her arm around Waverly's shoulder. Before they reached it, Nicole broke the silence they were walking in.

"Thanks, Waverly…. for finding me."

"Always, Nic. I'll always find you."

* * *

 

It wasn't a long drive back to Shorty's, so it was mostly quiet in the car. Waverly forgot how comfortable silence could feel around Nicole. With anyone else, she felt that she had to fill it. With Nicole, she could just be.

Waverly helped Nicole into Shorty's and then up the stairs carefully. Making sure she didn't put too much pressure on her injured foot, they made their way into the apartment. Waverly sat Nicole down in her desk chair and went off to the bathroom for supplies.

Coming back with rubbing alcohol and some gauze, she knelt in front of Nicole.

"Never know when you're gonna get a paper cut," she joked as she held up the two items, waving them slightly.

She carefully uncapped the rubbing alcohol, tipping over the bottle to put some on a piece of gauze.

"This might sting a little,” she said, as she placed the gauze on the cut with one hand. She placed her other on Nicole's ankle and rubbed it softly with her thumb.

Nicole hissed with pain at the first contact, but then focused on Waverly's finger rubbing along her ankle. She closed her eyes and let it soothe her for a moment.

"I was worried when you were late.” Waverly said in the softest voice, just below a whisper. “I thought you might not come back again. I thought that I might have lost you again."

Nicole opened her eyes at the sound of Waverly's voice, taking a minute to register what she said. "I'm okay, Waverly. I'm not going anywhere."

"You can't make that promise Nicole Haught.” she said in a normal voice, then adding with her soft whisper, “You already broke enough of them."

Nicole scrunched her eyebrows together, perplexed. "What promises did I break?" She thought back and couldn't remember any promises she had broken, she was always sure to keep them, especially to Waverly.

Waverly had tears forming in her eyes but refused to let them fall. "You promised me you would be home for dinner and then you never came. Your plate of leftovers sat there for weeks. Weeks - before I managed to throw it away, accepting that you weren't going to come home hungry. You promised me we would have a special anniversary. You promised me- you promised me a life together Nicole." Her voice broke on the last part and Nicole put her hand on Waverly's shoulder, rubbing circles over her sweater.

"Waverly, I'm sorry. You know I planned to keep all of those promises. I'm so sorry I hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you."

The two women stared at each other until Waverly cleared her throat and stood up. Both of them instantly missing the contact they just had.

"Anyways, I should go get some bandages for this. Regular bandaids won't cut it."

Nicole nodded her head, understanding Waverly wanted to move on from the heavy subject matter they were on.

"Thank you, Waverly. We can still work on my case when you get back? I had a weird dream last night that I think might be related."

Waverly nodded with her arms wrapped around herself, "Sounds like a plan. I'm gonna go to the pharmacy real quick for those bandages. Don't move ok? One injured foot is enough for now."

Nicole just smiled shyly, and nodded again. "You got it, boss."

With a small smile Waverly exited the room, leaving Nicole in the apartment alone, wondering if what just happened meant anything.

* * *

 

Nicole knew she wasn't supposed to move, but her bladder had other ideas. She really, really badly, needed to pee.

She got herself up using the support of the desk and hobbled her way to the bathroom. Inside, she relieved herself and opened the medicine cabinet, hoping Waverly still kept the ibuprofen where she used to.

Luckily for Nicole, it was in the exact same spot. As was the toothbrush Waverly kept there for emergencies. Same exact spot as the last time Nicole opened this cabinet, more than five years ago. She noticed that this toothbrush was purple instead of her usual pink.

Opening the bottle of medicine, she popped two pills, swallowing them down with water from the faucet. She looked in the mirror and studied what she saw.

She was slightly sweaty from her one-legged trip to the bathroom, making her face shinier than usual. Her bags were slightly larger than usual, but everything else seemed exactly how she remembered it. It didn't look like she aged at all. Like she somehow managed to stay exactly the same in the five years she was gone.

She could see the slight changes in Waverly. A few more wrinkles and creases, darker circles around her eyes. She still looks as beautiful as ever, but you could see the time passed by on her.

As Nicole looked at herself, she couldn't see any differences. Shaking her head she carefully turned around to go sit back down where Waverly left her.

As she hopped back to the desk her foot landed on a loose floorboard, breaking her balance and causing her to fall over. She fell with a thud but managed to catch herself, avoiding her bad foot. She sat up to inspect the cause of her fall. She pressed down on the loose floorboard and surprisingly the whole thing came up. Nicole lifted the floorboard loose and inspected the hole that was now present in the floor.

Inside, Nicole could see two boxes. One was a worn blue with words written in a language she couldn't understand on the top. The second was a shoebox sized wooden box with leaves and vines painted all over, intertwining with each other. Puzzled, Nicole picked up the blue one and peeked inside. She knew she should probably just put the floorboard back and ask Waverly when she got back but something was telling her to open them. 

A small gasp escaped her lips as she looked down at the contents. There were hundreds of photos of her and Waverly from the three years they dated. She picked a few up and looked at them.

One was from when they went to the beach for the first time. Waverly had never seen the ocean so she demanded a lot of photos be taken that day. The one she was holding was Nicole's favorite. They were standing on some rocks next to the ocean with their backs facing the water. Waverly was wrapped in a blanket and Nicole had her arms around her. Waverly was looking up at Nicole and smiling her widest smile. Nicole was looking at the camera with her dimples on full display. She wondered if the woman taking it knew how special that moment was.

The second photo in her hand was from Wynonna's 30th birthday party. Wynonna wanted to exit her 20's with a bang, so she rented a limo and they went to the big city for the night. With no one needing to be the designated driver, they drank. A lot. The photo was of the three of them, all wasted, Wynonna laying across both of their laps with a penis lollipop in her mouth. Nicole had a look of horror on her face and Waverly's head was thrown back laughing.

As Nicole got to the third photo, she put her hand over her mouth. Fighting back tears she remembered the night it was taken.

 -

_ Nicole was dressed in a dark teal knee-length dress and was pacing on the porch of the homestead. Waverly came outside in her gold dress and a teal band to match Nicole's dress. Stopping her girlfriend's pacing, she put her arms around her. _

_ "Baby, relax. We already worked everything out. I know you're nervous about seeing them again but I'll be right by your side, ok? Now, let's get going before you're late. You're in the wedding party, so you need to get there early. " _

_ Nicole kissed her girlfriend lightly before nodding and heading towards the car. She was too nervous to drive so she let Waverly take the wheel. An hour later they pulled up to the venue. _

 

_ Waverly got out, but Nicole stayed in the car. Giving her a few minutes, Waverly then knocked on the passenger window. Nicole rolled it down but continued to look straight. _

_ "Come on, Nic. It's now or never." _

_ "Oh, is never an option? I choose never." _

_ Waverly sighed. _

_ Nicole wasn't nervous about seeing her sister, it was her parents who she really was avoiding. She was surprised when her sister had asked her to be in her wedding party six months prior, but immediately said yes. If her sister wanted her to be there, she would be. She hadn't talked to her much since everything happened with her parents and she regretted that, none of it was Haley's fault. _

_ With a deep breath, she got out of the car and took Waverly's hand. Walking into the clubhouse she was immediately enveloped in a hug. _

_ "Thank god you're here Nicki. Ma is stressing me out and I need you to make some jokes to lighten the mood. Maybe tell me the cow story while I finish getting ready? I vanished Ma to check on catering already." _

_ Waverly raised her eyebrows at the mention of the 'cow story' she had never heard, but kept quiet. _

_ "Of course, Hal. But first, let me introduce you to my girlfriend. Haley, this is my girlfriend Waverly. Waverly, this is my baby sister Haley." _

_ "Oh, of course!" Haley laughed as she shook Waverly's hand. "I'm sorry, I'm such a mess right now. It's so nice to meet you." _

_ "Likewise." Waverly said. "And you look beautiful, I hope your fiance is ready to see a vision walk down the aisle." _

_ Haley nudged Nicole and whispered, "Keep her, I like this one." _

_ "Oh, I plan on it." Nicole responded. _

_ The women all made their way to the backroom to get Haley fully ready which went by quickly as the three of them, and the rest of the bridal party, bantered back and forth. An attendant from the venue gave them the five-minute warning and Haley stopped him before he could leave the room. _

_ "Could you take a picture of us real quick?" _

_ She grabbed Waverly and Nicole each with one arm and swished them together. As the attendant clicked the shutter, they were all laughing with the widest smiles. _

 -

Nicole wiped away the tears that formed in her eyes, and pulled her attention back to the box. She quickly went through some more photos before she hit something cold and hard in the mix of the photos.

She wrapped her hand around it and pulled out the small heart-shaped locket. She opened it up and saw the 'W+N' engraved in and ran her finger over it. She carefully put everything back in the blue box and placed it back in the floor.

Nicole picked up the wooden box and placed it in front of her. She wasn't sure if she was intruding on Waverly's privacy by looking at these. She clearly had them hidden for a reason.

However, Nicole felt something pulling her to open this specific box. With a sigh she slowly opened the lid and peered inside. With a confused look, she opened it fully. Inside the decorated box there were hundreds of folded up pieces of paper. Nicole gingerly picked one up and unfolded it.

She recognized Waverly's handwriting immediately. She quickly looked over the first few sentences.

"My love,

It has been 134 days since I last held you in my arms. The nights are so cold without you. Time goes by slower and faster at the same time. I want you back in my arms, Nicole..."

Nicole stopped there when she realized what she was reading. She picked up another one and started reading again.

"Love,

Two and a half years have passed by and I still hold you in my heart more than ever. Wynonna would never admit it, but she misses you almost as much as I do. Purgatory isn't the same without you my dear..."

Each letter was dated in the corner and Nicole read through a few more before she came upon one from September 27, 2025. The day she came back. Five years after her disappearance.

"My dearest, Nicole,

It has been five years. Five years since you went away. Five years since my life was turned upside down. I want you to know that I haven't forgotten you. I will never forget you. You were and still are the love of my life.

I wasn't ready to tell you in my other letters, even if I know you'll never get to read these anyways, but I have someone now. Well, I guess I have for a while now. I knew you would want me to keep going and to move on, to try to find even an inkling of what we had with someone else, so I did, as much as I could anyways.

Her name is Anna. We have been dating for two years now and she treats me well. You would like her Nicole. She came to Purgatory to investigate your case actually, after you disappeared. She’s stubborn like you but in a different way. She’s sweet and she takes her time with me. She doesn’t know the Waverly you knew, but she tries her best to find the old Waverly inside of me. She knows not to mention you and to not question my whereabouts on this day, on your birthday, or our anniversary. She knows I’ll be with you - or as close to you as I can be. Those days are meant for us, just as they were before. Anna keeps her distance when I need it and never presses on anything. She's good to me Nicole, but she isn't you.

They say that time makes it easier, but frankly, I think that a load of bull. Every day, every year that passes by it gets harder to remember. To remember your touch, the golden flecks in your eyes, the sound of your laugh, or how you liked your coffee. That's the hardest part for me - forgetting. With every memory or detail I forget, I feel like I'm losing a part of myself, losing more of you than I have already lost. You're still as much a part of me as you were five years ago Nicole Haught.-"

Nicole felt tears fall down her face and barely registered Waverly opening the door. When Nicole looked up at Waverly the brunette dropped the bag she was golding in her hands. Nicole carefully stood up, the letter still gripped in one hand and moved slowly towards her.

"Waverly," Nicole started.

Waverly just shook her head and refused to make eye contact with Nicole. She was still in the doorway and wasn't making any attempt to move until she realized Nicole was injured and trying to walk towards her. She then quickly made her way to Nicole and guided her gently until they were both sitting on the floor.

They stared at each other, Waverly's hand around Nicole's arm. Their knees were touching and Waverly couldn't help but feel comforted by the body contact.

"You wrote me letters." Nicole said, barely above a whisper.

Waverly nodded, not breaking eye contact with Nicole.

"A lot of letters." Nicole added.

Waverly breathed deeply and looked away from Nicole. "One a day for the first year, one a week for the second, once a month for the third, then three times a year for the fourth and fifth. 435 total," Waverly said in one breath.

Nicole just stared deeper into Waverly's wide hazel eyes. She put the letter down lightly and put her hand to Waverly's face. She rubbed her thumb against Waverly's cheek and lifted her chin. She slowly leaned in, allowing Waverly the chance to back away if she wanted to. However, Waverly leaned in and closed the distance between them, her hand going to the back of Nicole's neck.

Their lips met and everything melted away. The last five years vanished and it was just the two of them there again, in love more than ever. Waverly's fingers twisted in Nicole's hair and Nicole's hand never left Waverly's face. She used her other hand to pull Waverly closer to her and gripped her tightly, like she was afraid the moment might evaporate if she let go.

They sat there and kissed, only pulling away for air. It was soft and gentle but full with so much emotion. Neither one of them knew how long they stayed like that for. They had their foreheads resting against each other’s when Nicole realized Waverly was crying.

"Baby, what's wrong? Is this okay?"

Nicole was concerned and she tried to hold Waverly closer but the smaller woman pushed away and started to stand up.

"I'm-I'm so sorry Nicole. I can't do this. I'm sorry." Waverly managed to get out between cries.

Nicole tried to stand up quickly but with her injured foot, Waverly was already out the door before she could get up.

Defeated, she fell back down to the floor. She put her face in her hands and started to cry. How could everything have gone so wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked this chapter! Let me know what you though in the comments or on tumblr: toogayforthisbull. Thanks to Nyxxyn for reading through this chapter and giving me input! 
> 
> Next chapter: Did someone say fire pit? And Nicole tries to find some answers on her own.


	12. Wine & Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A fire is burning and emotions are high.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this update is later than usual, I had a hectic work week! Enjoy this chapter!

_ Wish I could, I could've said goodbye _

_ I would've said what I wanted to _

_ Maybe even cried for you _

_ If I knew it would be the last time _

_ I would've broke my heart in two _

_ Tryin' to save a part of you _

_ Don't wanna feel another touch _

_ Don't wanna start another fire _

_ Don't wanna know another kiss _

_ No other name falling off my lips _

_ Don't wanna give my heart away _

_ To another stranger _

_ Or let another day begin _

_ Won't even let the sunlight in _

_ No, I'll never love again _

_ I'll never love again, oh, oh, oh, oh _

_ When we first met _

_ I never thought that I would fall _

_ I never thought that I'd find myself _

_ Lying in your arms _

_ And I want to pretend that it's not true _

_ Oh baby, that you're gone _

_ 'Cause my world keeps turning, and turning, and turning _

_ And I'm not moving on _

_ "Okay, so maybe we shouldn't have watched 'A Star is Born' to try and cheer Waverly up." Wynonna said to Doc. _

 

_ She was sitting in the hallway slumped outside Waverly's door. The music was blaring, filling their ears and echoing through the old house. Wynonna kept trying to get Waverly to unlock the door but was making no progress. They had already been trying for over fifteen minutes and the defeated Wynonna didn't know if she could listen to that song one more time; Waverly has had it on repeat since she locked herself up there. _

 

_ "In my defense, I didn't know it was sad! I saw it had Lady Gaga in it and went 'Waverly loves Gaga!' I thought it would cheer her up... it's been over 3 months. I just wanted one night where she wasn't just going to go to bed and cry. Which seems like this had the opposite effect." Wynonna took a deep breath out, puffing her lips out dramatically before trying one more time for Waverly to open the door. She got up from where she was slumped over and gave three loud knocks, attempting to be heard over Gaga's belting. _

 

_ "Baby girl! Please open the door. We can send Doc out to grab us a cake and we can eat it out of the container with just forks..." Maybe bribing her would work, Wynonna thought. _

 

_ Wynonna thought it was weird that Waverly was in her old room. She switched to sleeping in the spare room not long after Nicole disappeared. She still kept all her stuff in the room they shared together but rarely went inside for more than a few minutes at a time. _

 

_ Waverly finally opened the door wide with tear stained cheeks just as the song finished for the fourth time. She let Wynonna in the room silently and sat down on the stripped bed. Doc stayed in the hallway, not wanting to intrude. He tipped his hat towards Wynonna as she made her way in, letting her know he would be there if she needed him. _

 

_ Wynonna looked around the room and saw a few boxes in one corner. She also saw that everything that was Nicole's was perfectly in place but everything that was Waverly's was now absent, almost like it was never there to begin with. She stopped looking around the room and made eye contact with her sister. _

 

_ "Is there something you want to tell me baby girl?" Wynonna said harder than she meant to. She was standing a few feet from Waverly with her hands on her hips and eyes burrowing into Waverly. _

 

_ Waverly broke the eye contact and fiddled with her hands in her lap. "I- I gotta go Wyn. I can't stay here anymore. Everytime I step into a room I think I see her. I come home and forget she's gone. I smell her when I come in here and think that maybe she's come back. I just- I can't do this anymore. I'm exhausted. " Waverly breathed out. _

 

_ "Are you leaving Purgatory?" Wynonna said, trying to cover up the fact that her voice was threatening to crack. Her eyes were now softer and she moved closer to Waverly slowly. _

 

_ "No, Wynonna. I could never leave you like that. I'm just moving across town. Dolls said an apartment in his old complex opened up and to let him know if I wanted to look at it. I need to do this Wyn. I need to start new, at least a little at a time. I need to find out who I am without her." _

 

_ Wynonna nodded and sat down on the bed next to the younger Earp. "If that's what you need to do, I'm here for you. You taking CJ with you?" she asked as she tapped Waverly on the knee, letting her hand rest there after. _

 

_ Waverly nodded, "If they allow cats, yes. I already texted Dolls; I'm going to see it in an hour." She breathed out and grabbed Wynonna's hand that was on her knee. _

_ "I'm really sorry, Wynonna." _

_ Wynonna gripped Waverly's hand tighter and they stayed there until Waverly had to leave to see, what would become, her new apartment. _

* * *

 

Waverly stood outside Shorty's and shivered. Sobs were still escaping her and she had forgotten her coat in her rush out. She knew she couldn't drive like this and she definitely couldn't walk without a jacket. Reluctantly, she pulled out her phone and called Wynonna. Waverly knew she would come pick her up. She always did.

Wynonna was there twenty minutes later. Waverly got in and Wynonna silently handed her a blanket and made her way back to the homestead. The drive was eerily quiet, neither sister willing to say what laid heavy in the air.

 

When they arrived at the homestead Waverly exited the truck and waited on the side for Wynonna. Since the incident Wynonna always walked into the homestead first.

Waverly was surprised when Wynonna grabbed her wrist under the blanket and tugged. Instead of leading her inside the house like Waverly thought, Wynonna guided her to the back of the house where a fire was already started.

 

"I had Doc set it up while I went to pick you up." Wynonna sat in one chair and pointed to Waverly to sit in the other one with another blanket on top of it.

 

Waverly sat with her knees up and wrapped the extra blanket around her. The cool air already nipping at her but the warmth from the fire and blankets starting to make their way to her.

 

"Now start talking." Wynonna said as she handed Waverly a bottle of wine.

 

Even though Waverly thought it was still too early to drink, she took the bottle and took a sip before starting to tell Wynonna what happened.

* * *

 

Nicole pulled herself together after she heard Waverly leaving Shorty's. The sound of the door slamming made its way up to the small apartment and Nicole worried that the smaller woman would be cold as she looked over at her coat on the floor. She thought about running it out to her but knew it probably wouldn't be a good idea. She made Waverly feel uncomfortable and she ran. She clearly didn't want Nicole to follow.

 

She made her way over to the bag Waverly dropped and managed to bandage herself up. The bleeding had stopped so she felt better about her injury. The pain she felt had nothing to do with it anyways.

 

She sat back down in front of the box of letters and began reading again. She put them in order of the date they were written; she wanted to see what Waverly went through for the past five years. Maybe she could understand then. With her pile of now organized letters, she got started with day 1.

 

"Dear Nicole,

Last night you never came home. You were with Wynonna one second and gone the next. Where have you gone Nicole? When will you be back?

 

The plate of leftovers is still waiting for you in the fridge. The bottle of wine I bought to go with it is still unopened. Everything is paused for you, Nicole. Nothing can keep going as it was until you return. How am I expected to keep moving through this world without you?

 

We are searching for you. There seems to be no clues left behind but we still search. We'll keep searching until we find you my love.

 

I know you're still here. I can feel it. People think I can't hear the whispers thinking that you are dead, that we're going to find your lifeless body in the woods, but they're wrong. You're not fully gone. I can still hope. Hope that you'll come back to me. Come back home.

 

It's only been one day but I long for you. Long for your voice, your touch, your warmth. I long for the way your eyes twinkle in the sunlight, the sound of your laugh, the way your hair blows in the autumn breeze. We still have so much to do Nicole. There's so much we haven't done yet. We still have the rest of our lives together. So come back. As soon as you can, come back to me. I'll be waiting.

 

Forever yours,

Waverly"

* * *

 

Waverly told Wynonna everything. How since Nicole's been back she has been feeling pulled towards her more than ever, how she been pushing against that pull for the past month and it's been exhausting. She told her that she felt guilty for feeling that way while she was with Anna. She told her sister how Anna's leaving still affected her, that she knew no matter what everyone would leave her eventually.

 

She cried while drinking wine with one hand and holding Wynonna's with the other. They sat there talking for hours until the sun started going down. Wynonna stayed silent most of the time. Every now and then confirming she heard Waverly and that she was still listening. When Waverly seemed like she was finished, maybe too exhausted to continue, the older sister asked just one question.

 

"Baby girl, why won't you let yourself be with Nicole? It's clearly what you want."

 

Waverly grabbed her hand a little tighter and more tears escaped her eyes. "I'm afraid, Wynonna. What if I let myself love her again and something happens to her again because of it? I just want her to be safe, even if it means not being with me."

 

Wynonna stopped staring at the fire to look over at her sister with concerned but stern eyes. "Waverly, it is not your fault she went missing. She didn't go away because you love her. She came back because you do. Your love has always kept her going baby girl. So please, for all of us, go get your girl."

 

Waverly slowly took in everything Wynonna was saying. She knew she was right. She knew it wasn't rational but deep down her abandonment issues led her to believe everyone leaving was her fault, even if it wasn't their choice. Waverly knew if anything happened to Nicole again she would blame herself in the end. However, Nicole was worth it. Being with Nicole was worth it. Even with all of the pain from the past five years, Waverly would never wish Nicole never came into her life. The three years they had together were the happiest of her life. The five years after were spent trying to find that without her. Being with Nicole felt like home. She would have to risk everything to be home again.

 

"I will. I just," Waverly breathed out deeply before continuing, "need more time. I need to work on a few things before I welcome her back with arms wide open. She doesn't need my issues on top of her own. She's been through enough."

 

Wynonna just nodded and they sat in a comfortable silence. Finally, when the night air started becoming too cool even while in front of the fire, they made their way inside.

Waverly noted the absence of Nicole from the homestead even though it was now almost dinner time. She just hoped that she was safe and warm. She just hoped she would wait for her one more time.

* * *

 

Nicole sat on the floor for the rest of the night reading Waverly's letters. Getting up only to pee and grab a small snack when the noises coming from her stomach started to distract her. The sun went down but she barely noticed, enamored in every word Waverly had written to her. She was nearing the end of the letter, only a few pieces of paper left in the unread stack, when one sentence sparked a memory.

 

"This year, just like every year, I saw as the dandelion seeds fall down the cliff wishing and hoping that you'll come back to me, my love."

 

Nicole remembered standing in the clearing in the woods, but it was different. Everything was white but there were still the trees, the ground, Nicole. She knew where she was but it wasn't how it was supposed to be. Then she remembered putting out her hands, as if they were waiting for something to fall into them. Then, almost as if it were in slow motion, a singular dandelion seed fell into her palm.

Nicole tried to remember passed that or before but couldn't. Her head was starting to hurt from everything going on it. She shook her head and went back to read the remaining letters. As she finished reading the last letter, the one Waverly wrote the day Nicole came back, for the second time, Nicole felt that she understood more. She understood the pain Waverly felt and still feels. She understood that she was just one more person Waverly could add to the people who left her. She understood that Waverly never stopped loving her.

 

She needs time, Nicole thought to herself. I can give her time. We have that now.

Looking at the clock, she realized how late it was. With no way to go to the homestead since her car was still stranded, she went in the small twin sized bed to go to sleep. As she pulled the blanket over her and was enveloped in the smell of Waverly, she closed her eyes. "Maybe we both need a little time," she whispered before letting herself drift to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you thought in the comments or on tumblr: toogayforthisbull. I appreciate every single comment and read them all when I'm feeling down or not motivated to write, so thank you for everyone who has commented so far! 
> 
> Next chapter: Nicole returns to the station and Wynonna does her best to bring her two favorite people together


	13. Work & No Play

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nicole and Waverly are both super busy but will they finally get a chance to talk out their feelings?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so late! I've been swamped with work and haven't been able to write as much as I would like. Enjoy the chapter!

Waverly was right, Nicole got much busier when she returned to the station. Nedley greeted her with a hug her first day back, but she still wasn't cleared to go out in the field yet. This meant that she was on paperwork duty. Paperwork, that seemed like it was backlogged since she disappeared - five years ago.

 

This meant that Nicole was working extra hours trying to play catch up and hadn't seen Waverly since she ran out on her two weeks ago. She still felt guilty that she made the younger woman uncomfortable. She wanted to make it up to her but didn't know how. For now, she thought, she would just keep her distance. It's not like Waverly had reached out to her since that day anyways. Nicole just hoped she still wanted her; that at the end of all of this, she could be with Waverly again. That she could get her life back again.

 

While working on the endless stack of paperwork at the station, her mind often wandered to Waverly, which didn't help remedy how much she missed her. She also hadn't had the time to talk to Wynonna either. By the time Nicole got to the homestead from the station, Wynonna would be working at Shorty's. It seemed like for the past two weeks the only people Nicole talked to were at the station and she was starting to feel incredibly lonely. No matter how much Lisa said her smile helped cheer her day up.

Staring down at the unfiled report in front of her, she pushed herself up and put it away in a folder marked 'tomorrow'. With haste, she made her way out of the station and to the homestead. She knew Wynonna didn't have work for a couple more hours and Nicole was hoping she would be there. She needed her best friend.

* * *

 

When Waverly got back to her tutoring studio, the day after she ran out on Nicole, she found it impeccably clean. Her bed was neatly made with the blankets folded up on the bottom, her coat was now on the coat rack instead of on the floor where she left it, and the letters were nowhere to be seen, presumably back in the loose floorboard. The investigation board they had been using also had new notes in Nicole's neat handwriting, detailing the dream she was supposed to tell Waverly about.

 

Waverly didn't have a tutoring session until later that night so she began working on the case with the new notes. She wanted to find out what happened to Nicole as much as the red head did. However, the newfound research was quickly forgotten when she suddenly got an influx of students. One of her old students recommended her on an SAT prep site and she was getting new student requests at rates she couldn't turn down.

 

Waverly was swamped but very happy with the sudden take off of her little business. It was the one thing she was really proud of doing in the past five years. It gave her a sense of purpose when she had a hard time finding one; it gave her hope for the future.

However, this business also meant that she hadn't been able to speak to Nicole since she left her on the floor of the studio she was spending so much time in currently.

She really didn't mean to not speak to her at all, but maybe this was the space they both needed. Waverly still wanted to let Nicole the little progress she made on her case and go over it with her. Just as she made the decision to talk to Nicole soon, her laptop started ringing with another student on the line.

* * *

 

Nicole walked into the homestead with purpose and a bottle of whiskey. She knew that even if it was only 3pm, the oldest Earp wouldn't turn down whiskey. And anyways, their best conversations always happened over a bottle.

 

Wynonna looked over to the door as Nicole barged in. She was sitting on the couch with her feet on the coffee table, something Waverly used to always yell at her for. Jeopardy was playing on the background but Nicole doubted Wynonna was paying any attention to it. The three of them used to watch it together but Waverly was the only one who ever paid serious attention to it. Nicole and Wynonna would just make fun of the contestants, resulting in glares from the youngest Earp.

 

Wynonna didn't say anything but gave Nicole a two finger wave as a greeting. Nicole knew what that meant and plopped down next to her on the couch, placing the whiskey bottle on the part of the coffee table that wasn't supporting Wynonna's feet.

 

"Okay, spill it Haught. You don't buy me a decent bottle of whiskey just for shits and giggles. What's on your mind Haught-Crotch?" Wynonna said as she elbowed her friend gently with a smirk on her face.

 

"First, that's my least favorite of all the nicknames you have called me over the years for the record. Second, we've barely have had time to talk. I just.. I dunno, miss you dude." Nicole sighed.

 

The two women didn't look at each other, instead keeping their attention focused on the game show playing. "Wow, okay sappster. So what's going on with you and my baby sis? You guys have been... different lately."

 

Nicole took a deep sigh and grabbed for the whiskey bottle. She knew Waverly was going to come up but didn't expect Wynonna to bring her up so soon; she thought it would at least take a couple shots. She opened the bottle and took a swig, not caring enough to grab glasses. The whiskey burned her throat a little but she just shook it off quickly, mustering up enough courage to talk about the woman who has her heart.

 

"I don't know, Wyn. I don't know what she wants from me anymore. I think I might have pushed her too far. I kissed her and I think I made her feel uncomfortable. I shouldn't have tried anything so soon after her breakup with Anna. I just... I have to remind myself every night when I go to bed without her beside me that I was gone for 5 years. That she lead a life for those 5 years I wasn't a part of. That there is a hole that I do not fill. I still remember our relationship like it yesterday because to me it feels different. I just don't know how she feels. I don't know what she wants..." Nicole took a quick swig before whispering the next sentence, "I don't know if she wants me."

 

Wynonna grabbed the bottle from Nicole, planting her feet flat on the ground and turning her body towards the redhead on the couch. "Nicole - you know this is serious because I'm using your first name - Waverly just needs time. I know it's not exactly fair to ask for that, so if you can't give that to her, let her know. She's- she's been through a lot. I know I've said that before, but losing you nearly destroyed her. As much as I didn't like Anna, she helped. She helped give her back a little normalcy to her life. Waverly needs time to adjust to not having that normalcy. You remember how long it took her to dump Chump? He gave her the same comfort and that's why. She loves you Nicole, that, I know. And I know you love her, always have. Just do what is best for you. And maybe that will end with you two together, maybe it won't. Either way I'm watching out for my best friend and my baby sister. And no matter what happens, we're good Red."

 

Wynonna took a big swig of whiskey and stood up from the couch, "Now that's enough emotions for me, I have work in a couple of hours but want to grab some greasy food beforehand?"

 

Nicole nodded and smiled at her best friend. She was happy they got that out of the way and that the older Earp always had a knack for moving on to easier topics. Now she just had to decide what was better for her. 

* * *

 

Waverly closed her laptop aggressively and leaned back in her desk chair. It had been a long day and she really just wanted to go to bed. However, she knew she needed to talk to Nicole. Wynonna texted her earlier that the officer had the night off and Waverly knew this was her chance. They needed to at least be on the same wavelength, no pun intended.

 

She packed up her materials and went to the bathroom to clean herself up. Taking her hair down from it's messy bun, she took in her reflection. She could see her age reflected back at her. She was almost thirty now and the stress from the past five years have taken its toll on her. She pulled down on her cheeks to look at her bags closely, they always looked worse than the last time she remembered. She put some light makeup on, hoping to cover some of the dark circles around her eyes. She quickly braided her hair into a side braid and nodded back at the mirror, much more pleased with her appearance.

 

She trotted down the stairs, gathering her coat along the way. She figured Nicole would be at homestead for the night and was making her way through the bars clientele. Even though the bar just opened, it seemed to already be filling up. That’s Purgatory for you. 

Waverly turned towards the bar to wave goodbye to Wynonna when she noticed the familiar red hair from a seat at the bar. She didn't think Nicole would be here but there's no time like the present right? Shaking her nerves out she made her way towards her, never taking her eyes away from that red hair she would notice anywhere.

* * *

 

"Well, if it isn't my favorite officer."

 

Nicole turned around in the bar stool with a smile that soon dimmed slightly once she took in the woman behind her.

 

"Oh, Kaylie. Um, hi."

 

"Glad you're back to work Haught. Let me buy you a shot." The blonde motioned for Wynonna to pour them two shots. Wynonna gave her a look that wasn't the friendliest in return, but poured the shots just the same. She made eye contact with Nicole and motioned over to a deer-in-the-headlights Waverly across the bar.

 

Nicole looked back and with a forced smile put her attention back on Kaylie.

"One shot but then I gotta skedaddle, you know, I got plans. Big plans tonight. Because I'm a planner. Yep."

 

The blonde laughed, throwing her head back slightly. Even a flustered Nicole couldn't deny that she was beautiful, especially when she laughed.

 

"Calm down Haught, I'm not going to try to get you drunk off peppermint shots and kiss you again. Take this as an apology shot." She moved one of the shots Wynonna poured in front of Nicole and took the other. She looked towards Waverly standing in the middle of the bar and then back at Nicole, "I know your still hers, even when you're not. Even if you both won't acknowledge it."

 

Nicole just nodded and gave Kaylie's hand a quick squeeze before downing the shot and turning to go towards Waverly. But by the time she looked back, the bar was packed and the brunette was nowhere to be found.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you thought in the comments or on tumblr: toogayforthisbull. And thanks for sticking out with this story!
> 
> Next chapter: Nicole and Waverly have a lot to confront and something confronts them.


	14. Books & Life Savers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We visit a broken Waverly from the past and Nicole and Waverly think they might have figured out a piece if the puzzle for Nicole's disappearance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is an important chapter plot wise so enjoy!!

_ Waverly took a red Life Saver from the crystal bowl in the middle of the table in front of her. She was sitting on a blue loveseat, which was comfortable enough but not overly so, saying 'sit on me but not for too long'. Across from her a woman with dark hair in a neat bun and dark-framed glasses tapped on a notepad in front of her with her pen. _

 

_ "Ms. Earp, what brings you back here? Have you been having the dreams again?" _

 

_ Waverly reached for the throw pillow beside her and held it against her stomach. She looked at the center of the table where she just took her candy from and nodded slowly, never taking her attention away from the crystal bowl. "I'm only here again because my sister sent me. She found me again and... and made me promise to come. So, I'm here." Under her breath she added, "Not like it did that much the last time." _

 

_ "Mmm, you said your sister found you. What do you mean by that? How did she find you, Waverly?" _

 

_ Waverly started fidgeting with the candy wrapper as she spoke, "Same as last time - Screaming." With one long breath in and out she continued at a faster pace, "She found me screaming in the middle of my living room and everything around me was a mess like I knocked everything down but... I have no memory of any of it. Just like last time. I just remember the pain. I just remember..." she took a deep breath, closing her eyes as she did so and slowed down her speech, "her. She was falling and so was I, I could see her but I couldn't touch her. And when I blinked she was gone but I could still hear her. She was screaming, so I screamed back and all I could see was red until Wynonna shook me awake." _

 

_ The therapist took a few notes down and nodded along as Waverly talked. She paused and looked up from her notepad at Waverly. "Before this time, when was the last time you had these nightmares?" _

 

_ "A little over a year ago. When I was seeing you regularly still. I thought they went away; it's been two years for goodness sake." she flailed her arms out for emphasis as she spoke the last part. _

 

_ "Waverly, healing is not linear. There's no timeline for recovering from trauma." _

 

_ "I just want it to be over with. She's gone. There's nothing I can do about it and these, these nightmares aren't helping. They just bring her back and take her away, again, and again, and again, and again! It's not fair. I just," closing her eyes, Waverly calmed herself down, "I just want to feel normal again and I felt that I was finally getting there. I'm still trying to find my normal without her. I'm still trying to not be surrounded in darkness every waking moment. I'm working on it." _

 

_ "Ms. Earp, just remember, you might always have to work on it. One day it won't just be magically gone, it might get smaller, less noticeable, but it might never be fully gone - and that's okay. It's okay to not be okay. Even after two years, or five, or fifty." _

 

_ The therapist quickly scribbled something down, "Now, let's talk about some coping techniques." _

* * *

 

 

Nicole frantically looked around the bar but the youngest Earp couldn't be spotted. She looked to Wynonna who simply shrugged with wide eyes back at the red head. Grabbing her coat, Nicole headed to the door figuring Waverly had run off again - this was getting to be too much of a routine. Right as she felt the cold night air hit her face, her phone binged. Flustered, she stopped in the doorway and checked the message.

 

Waverly <3: Come upstairs, had to run up but I want to talk.

W: That is if you want to talk.

W: If you don't that's okay too!

W: But if you do, I'll be upstairs.

W: ...like I am right now.

W: I'll stop rambling now. Just come up to talk if you're interested.

 

Nicole laughed as her phone kept binging with messages from Waverly. The six messages were sent in under 30 seconds and the second she finished, Nicole turned around and reentered the bar in a much different mood than she exited it in.

 

Seamlessly, she made her way around the tipsy patrons and climbed the stairs to the apartment. Opening the door, she turns to see an antsy Waverly sitting on the small bed in the corner. She was bouncing her legs up and down and trying to not fidget too much with her hands - and failing. She heard the door open but kept her eyes focused on her hands.

 

Nicole took one look at the other woman and breathed, "Waverly."

 

With the sound of her name coming off Nicole's lips, Waverly looked up. Nicole noticed tears building up in her eyes and she carefully made her way to the woman on the bed. Never breaking eye contact, she made her way to Waverly and gently sat on the bed next to her. She was far enough where she wouldn't accidentally touch Waverly but close enough to touch if Waverly reached out.

 

They stared at each other in weirdly comfortable silence before Nicole broke it. "So, you wanted to talk?" she asked with a slight smile on her face. This was the closest she had been to Waverly in weeks and she was just happy to be in her company. Happy that she wanted to talk to her.

 

Waverly nodded and placed her hand inches away from Nicole's, their pinkies almost touching. "Yes! Sorry I had to run up but some asshat spilled beer on me and I had to change my shirt," she said as she motioned to the new shirt she now had on. "But I didn't want you to think I ran out again because I'm really trying not to do that anymore. I don't want to run away from you. And I have a lot I need to talk to you about, like so very much but I don't really know where to star-"

 

"Waverly." Nicole cut her off and placed her hand on top of the other woman's, "It's okay. Just slow down and start from wherever you would like."

 

Waverly nodded her head as she looked into Nicole's big brown eyes and her voice softened, "I did some more research into your case from the notes you left last time. Jeremy said the only residue on your clothes were from the woods and that they were almost 'too pristine'. Everything just got me thinking and I dived into some old books my uncle Curtis gave me and well, Nicole... I don't think whatever happened to you was 'normal.'"

 

Nicole was studying the other woman carefully. The smile that was on her face was gone and replaced with a look of confusion. Her eyebrows were narrowed down and her mouth slightly agape as she took in what Waverly just said. "What do you mean not 'normal'?"

 

Waverly stood up and started pacing around the small room while talking animatedly with wide hand gestures. "Well, my uncle left me a bunch of books about the supernatural. He told me I would need them someday with a wink. I didn't read much into it then but I started connecting lines with your notes and I think it might make sense."

 

Nicole stood up and raised her hands up before they fell to her sides dramatically.

"Waverly, do you even hear yourself? Supernatural?? What do you think I was taken by a witch or stored in a goblin shed for five years?"

 

Waverly stopped pacing and stood in front of Nicole, staring at her with hard eyes and a tight jaw. "You have never talked to me like I was stupid so do not start now. And no, I do not think you were taken by a witch or goblin." She breathed out and lowered her eyes before continuing, "I think that you might have, somehow, traveled planes or dimensions..."

 

With that, Waverly turned around and grabbed a stack of books off her desk. They all had blank brown covers and showed extreme wear. She placed them on the floor and sat behind them, motioning for Nicole to sit next to her.

 

Hesitantly, Nicole followed and sat down next to her and the books. She could see that there were three total and while she thought they were blank before, she could now see a faint inscription on the one on top. However, it didn't seem to be in any language she understood - which was English and beginners Spanish.

 

Without looking back at Nicole, Waverly flipped the top book open to a bookmarked page. She pointed at a passage and motioned for Nicole to look at it with her.

 

_ In other dimensions, time moves differently. What is measured as ten years in one dimension might be measured as a month in another. It is common for travelers of dimensions to experience memory loss and visions of what they experienced in the other dimension. This is to ensure the security of the dimensions and to keep them a secret. It is also extremely hard to travel between dimensions and each one is different. Some require sacrifice, others require dreams and some require you to be pure of heart. No one knows the requirements of each one and they are rarely entered on purpose. _

 

"Okay, so some of this matched up but I don't know Waverly; this is a lot to wrap my head around."

 

Waverly just nodded her head as she picked up the second book. She again went to a bookmarked page and began reading a passage. "To travel to this particular dimension you must die. It is rumored that being near death near the dimension portal may cause you to accidentally enter it. Here, you will experience both Heaven and Hell. Everything is blank in this dimension, where you were is now a blank slate and visitors will experience a blank mind, not knowing how they got there or where they came from. This dimension is meant to challenge you. Everyone is a visitor except the Elders. They decided where you go. They make your decisions for you. Visitors are often faced with hellfire and heaven's light. Time does not exist on this plane. You are merely a visitor waiting for your placement."

 

Waverly looked up at Nicole with knowing eyes. "Does that sound familiar?"

 

Nicole's eyes were confused and slightly panicked as they glared back at Waverly.

"Um, yes I guess. There was light, there was fire, there were voices that I guess could have been these 'elders'. But that doesn't necessarily mean anything. What's the name of this dimension anyway?"

 

Without breaking eye contact Waverly says, barely over a whisper, "Purgatory."

 

A few minutes of silence fell over the two women. Neither one of them wanting to break the spell that they both seemed to have fallen under in the utterance of that word.

"Waverly," Nicole breathed.

 

Waverly couldn't help but smile at how Nicole said her name; in one single breath and with so much love lacing every corner of it.

"I'm not saying I believe all of this but if I'm going to Heaven or Hell, or have already been there, I need to know if you're coming into the fight with me. Are you in, or are you out Waves?"

 

Nicole looked at her with hopeful eyes and Waverly could feel herself gravitating towards her. Her hand reached up to the officer's neck and their noses were less than an inch apart when a loud knock shocked them out of their trance. They quickly separated and looked to the door as Agent Dolls walked in. He looked straight at Nicole, avoiding eye contact with the youngest Earp. "Officer Haught, I need you to come into the station with me, it's urgent."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you thought in the comments or on tumblr: toogayforthisbull! I had a lot of fun writing this chapter and I hope you like the direction it's headed. Thank you for all the comments and kudos - you all are the best readers ever!


	15. Lights & Blame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dolls brings Nicole to the station and she starts questioning if she really knows anything about what happened to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is supppperrr late. I've had a hectic few months but the b*tch is back. Short update but thought I should give you all a little something! More to come VERY soon.

_ Dolls stood behind Waverly who was scrunched in front of the cross that marked that Nicole was gone. He was always a stoic man but it seemed like he was standing almost too straight and being a little more on edge than his cool demeanor usually allowed. He was only here because Wynonna asked him to keep an eye on Waverly when she went out of town for the first time since everything. Dolls always felt protective of the younger sister and when she wouldn’t answer her phone and wasn’t at the Homestead or Shorty’s, he knew where he would find her. _

_ He looked down and noticed how small the youngest Earp looked. It has been a little over three weeks at this point and she had definitely lost weight in that time. Wynonna had mentioned to him that she was having a hard time getting her to eat. Apparently, she and Nicole ate a lot of different things together and meals would remind her of what she was missing. To remedy this, Wynonna had a long list of food that at the time were “banned” from the Homestead. The one in all caps and the biggest item on the list was “VANILLA DIPPED DONUTS.” Doc accidentally brought some over the other day and Waverly had the biggest meltdown they’ve seen since the first week she was gone. It took Wynonna hours to calm her down, putting on Lilo & Stitch since that always did the trick when they were kids. _

_ Dolls now seemed uneasy. He walked up to Waverly about 10 minutes ago but she didn’t give him as much of a glance in his direction. She just stared at the letters scribbled over the cross. She had a grey and pink checkered blanket wrapped around her, her long hair in mattes spread out over it. She was holding the blanket so tight around her it looked as if she was trying to shield herself; protect herself from the pain she has already had to endure.   _

_ After another 10 minutes of Waverly not moving and Dolls being overly cautious about everything that made any kind of noise in the woods, Waverly finally stood up. She leaned back onto Dolls as he put an arm around her and they turned towards his car. Dolls knew no matter what that he would protect Waverly. Especially since he felt that all of this was his fault. _

* * *

 

Nicole sits across from Dolls in the “special” room that Dolls worked out of - that she was never allowed into. She takes a quick look around and noticed just how bare the room is. It’s a sizeable room but there are only two desks, one table with two chairs across from each other, a whiteboard that is currently blank (at least the side she could see), and a cabinet with one of the most complicated locks she has ever seen. The walls are off-white, either from age or just painted that way, and the fluorescent  lighting makes it seem even brighter, hurting Nicole’s eyes when she focuses on it too much. The whole room makes it seems like no one ever worked in here, and it definitely didn’t seem like Dolls has used it as his office base for more than 8 years.

She brings her attention back to her friend in front of her. They’ve been sitting for a while but neither one of them has said a word. Seeing the lines formed on Dolls’ forehead, she can tell he is thinking about something - way too deeply in her opinion - and is waiting for him to form his thoughts into words.

 

It was difficult to convince Waverly not to come with them. With everything that had occurred in the past couple of hours, she wanted to get to the bottom of things and didn’t want to be away from Nicole. However, Nicole reasoned with her that it was an ‘official police thing’ and that she would come over right after and they could pick up right where they left. With her signature Waverly humph she chose to fight a different battle and let Dolls take Nicole to the station. Dolls, however, never even glanced at Waverly as the two women talked. Instead, he fixed his eyes on the chipped wood of the doorway.

Dolls finally folded his hands together and brought his eyes up to meet Nicole’s. “So, do you know why I brought you in today?”

Nicole squinted her eyes at the question.  _ That  _ is what he says after sitting here for fifteen minutes in silence, the buzz of the fluorescent light the only noise filling the air between them. “Really can’t say I do; no. What I do now is that you barged into my girlfriend’s apartment and demanded I go with you without telling me anything along the way. So, why don’t you enlighten me? Why was I brought in here today?”

If Dolls reacted to the term Nicole used for Waverly she couldn’t spot it. Instead, he licked his lips, cracked his neck and sat up straighter. Nicole wasn’t planning on snapping at her friend but she couldn’t believe his response to everything that just went down. 

“Well, based on what I was informed about, it seems that you may have some idea about what may have happened to you,” he took a deep breath as he unfolded his hands, “and I may be able to shine some light on that.”

Nicole didn’t say anything to respond. Instead, she stared intensely at the man sitting across from her until he decided to continue.

“When I was sent here it was to protect something; not someone. The reason none of you knew what segment of government I worked for was that you wouldn’t know what it is. It’s called the Black Badge Division. We specialize in protecting natural treasures or dangers that the public is blind to. I was sent here to protect one thing - Purgatory.”

Nicole blinked quickly before getting the urge to speak, “I also protect Purgatory, we’re in the police business that’s what we do. What does this have to do with my disappearance?”

“I wasn’t sent her to protect the town, Nicole. I was sent to protect the portal to Purgatory; the place between life and death. The place you somehow ended up in without dying.”

Nicole, again, couldn’t help but just stare at Dolls blankly. The idea of Purgatory being where she was for those five years was just a vague suspicion of Waverly’s. Nicole was slightly warming up to the idea of it when Dolls took her away. Now, with Waverly’s slight suspicion being confirmed, Nicole didn’t know what to think.

As she was wrapping her head around it, Dolls continued, “I was sent to protect it and also investigate whether it could be infiltrated by someone in Purgatory. Few know that it is real and even fewer know of its location. However, one man knew both. Simon Angel. He was the man you chased that night. We had been following him for a few months with suspicions that he was attempting to infiltrate the portal. That night,” Dolls breathed deeply and let his shoulders fall, “we pinpointed his location there right as you radioed in saying you were heading there. We went straight there, we couldn’t warn you without letting you know a classified government secret. Angel was the reason why you were bleeding, he had a knife covered in blood when we found him. When we caught him he was laughing maniacally saying that you ‘crossed’ and that he ‘finally done it.’ He wouldn’t release any more details than that. When we couldn’t find you or your body, I knew where you had to be. I tried for the last five years to get you back, see if it was possible for someone to come back from there. I didn’t have any luck though. Somehow, you made it back on your own.”

Nicole couldn’t make the words inside her come out of her mouth. As much as she wanted to, she couldn’t piece together the information she was just given and form a coherent response. Dolls must have been able to see her hesitation.

“It's a lot to take in, so take your time. When you get a chance to absorb everything I want you to come back in. We want to see if we can help you remember anything so we can ensure this doesn't happen again.”

Dolls reached out and grabbed Nicole's hand, “I'm really sorry about all of the Haught.”

As quickly as he held it, he released. He stood up and walked to the doorway before turning back around and looking at the redhead.

“Oh, and I would tell you not to tell Waverly but I think we both know better than that.”

With a quick wink Dolls was out the door, leaving a very conflicted and confused Nicole alone. She knew that she needed to piece all of this together and she was hoping that Waverly would be willing to help her through it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know your thoughts in the comments or on tumblr at toogayforthisbull. Your comments keep me going (even after all this time)!


	16. Dolls & Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We revisit Dolls driving pass the Purgatory sign for the first time, and Nicole returns to Waverly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Do you want another one??* (Meryl Streep screams) 
> 
> Another update, enjoy! Love getting back to this little story of mine.

_ Dolls drove in on his military grade vehicle slowly passing by the ‘Welcome to Purgatory’ sign as the rain beat down on his windshield. The night had fallen a few hours ago but he preferred it this way, he wanted to come in quietly, not noticed until he wanted to be. He knew his orders, he always did. The gates to Purgatory lied somewhere in this town and he was going to find out where. No one knew what happened beyond those gates but protecting them was a national priority. There had been rumors milling about that a group called the “revenants” were trying to open the gates and release whatever it contained onto the earth to create chaos. While not even the government knew if that was even possible, they couldn't chance it. So they sent their best agent; Xavier Dolls. _

_ Dolls had clear instructions: don't get attached (he never had a problem with that one), keep civilians safe, secure the portal. He had been with the BBD for almost 10 years and has seen the worst and best of the world. However, he knew this one was going to be even more challenging than the rest. The other jobs he had always came with a giant folder of information; this one had one page in a folder marked “CLASSIFIED” in big red stamped-on letters. _

_ Pulling up to the police station, Dolls put the folder in his metal briefcase to protect it from the rain. Most people would have ran from their car to the front door but Dolls walked his normal stride letting the raindrops bounce off of his body and the briefcase he carried. Expecting the station to be empty besides the sheriff who agreed to meet him there, he opened the door. _

_ Stepping into the brightly lit station he heard muffled voices coming out of an office to his right. Reading the name on the door he could see it was the sheriff's office. While he was intrigued to who the second voice could belong to at this hour he didn’t want to interrupt. He put the briefcase on the nearest desk and stood next to it waiting for the Sheriff. _

_ After about ten more minutes of the muffled argument from the office, a woman with dark hair and wild eyes emerges with purpose. She swings the door open and raises an eyebrow when she sees Dolls. _

_ “Got something to say bigshot or just enjoying the view?” The women’s voice slurred slightly and even though he was over five feet away, Dolls could smell the whiskey on her breath. _

_ “Just waiting for your… meeting to be finished. The sheriff is expecting me. Do you need some assistance home, ma'am?” _

_ A scoff escaped the dark-haired woman’s mouth and with hard eyes, she exclaimed, “First, I don’t have enough self-respect or grey hair to be called Ma’am. Second, even if my sister wasn’t on her way to get me I wouldn’t accept a ride from a stranger in a police station. I may be prone to make bad decisions but I’m not into putting myself in a murder trap. So, stranger-danger, no thank you.” _

_ Wynonna spun around on her heels and started towards the door. She only halted when Dolls called out “It’s actually Xavier Dolls. But most people just call me Dolls.” Wynonna turns around with a confused look on her face. “This way next time we meet, I’m not as much of a stranger…” Dolls let the last word carry on waiting for the mystery woman to reveal her name. _

_ “Wynonna. Still too much of a stranger to get a last name out of me.” With that, she left the police station as the headlights of a Jeep shined through the raindrop-filled windows. _

* * *

 

 Dolls stays in his office after Nicole leaves. He doesn’t move from the table until he gets a call. It’s not a surprise really, he knew he should expect it, Lucado has eyes and ears everywhere.

“Agent. I heard you picked up Officer Haught a few hours ago. Is she secure?”

“She left about ten minutes ago. I am watching her closely, but she is informed.”

“Against regulations…”

“The situation is beyond regulations. She deserved to know. I am motoring the situation. The Officer and the portal will be secure.”

“I expect no future citizen involvement in the case. This is a high-level government secret, Agent Dolls. I expect you to keep it or you will have to be… removed from the case.”

“Understood.”

Lucado hangs up before Dolls has a chance to move the phone away from his ear. He knew he would be on their watchlist now. He also knew he had to do it. Everything had been weighing on him every since Nicole disappeared and only got heavier with her return. However, now with Nicole, presumably, on her way to tell Waverly the news, he knew he now had to tell Wynonna; a subject he had been avoiding since he met the woman.

With that thought, he sighed and stood up. He pulled up Wynonna’s contact on his phone and sent her a quick text.

_ Our spot when you get off work. I’ll see you then. _

* * *

 

Nicole walked back into Waverly’s studio. Waverly was sitting at her desk, typing away on her computer before noticing the redhead walking in. The first thing she notices is how tired Nicole looks, the bags under her eyes darkened and her shoulders hunched over. Waverly gets up from her chair and rushes to her. She stops just short of the other woman, hesitating, just a little, before hugging her. Instantly, she feels Nicole relax into her. Melting into each other just as they would have a little over five years ago.

They stood like that for a while, neither one wanting to release the other. Once Nicole’s feet were getting too tired to stay standing, she relaxed her arms and looked at Waverly. She takes one of her arms from around her and brushes a strand of her behind Waverly’s ear. They stare at each other like that until Waverly finally breaks the comfortable silence they were surrounded in.  

“You’re okay?” Waverly asked with soft concerned eyes.

Nicole nodded in response chuckling lightly to herself. “Yeah. Probably would be better if we sat down, I walked all the way here.”

Waverly, with worry, quickly moved them to the bed in the corner, not quite letting Nicole leave her grasp.

“What did Dolls want? He seemed a little… I don’t know… shifty, when he came in.” Waverly dragged her hand down Nicole’s arm and settled it on her hand, holding it softly as she ran her thumb over the top.

Nicole looked deep in Waverly’s eyes, feeling so much comfort from her hand in hers.

She sighed deeply, “He said a lot. I want to tell you all of it, Waves. I want to tell you everything. But first, I need to know, are you all in? Are you sure of, well, this?” she says as she raises their joint hands.

Waverly bats her eyelashes in a way that she knows drives Nicole crazy before slowly leaning in. With their hands still joined, she takes her other hand and tangles it in Nicole’s short hair, massaging her scalp softly. She leans in, millimeters away from Nicole’s lips until she feels the redhead's breath hitch and she meets their lips together.

They kiss slowly, Nicole pulling Waverly closer. Reluctantly, they pull away as Waverly stares in Nicole’s big brown eyes.

“I’m all in, Nicole.”

Waverly lays down on the bed and motions for Nicole to lean against her. As Nicole fall back on her Waverly spoons the taller woman and combs her fingers through her hair.

“Let’s talk about Dolls and everything tomorrow. I want you to rest for tonight, love. Heaven knows you’ve been through enough. Just let me hold you for tonight. We’ll face the world tomorrow.”

Nicole settled deeper, exhaustion finally hitting her. She wanted to tell Waverly everything at that moment but she couldn’t fight how exhausted she was. Still in her clothes from the day, she listened to Waverly’s heartbeat and drifted away.

* * *

 

_ Nicole woke up in a sweat, jerking to an upright position. Waverly, wrapped in blankets next to her, stirred. _

_ “ ‘nother one, babe? 1-10, how bad?” _

_ Nicole panted before closing her eyes and counting to ten, trying to respond. _

_ “8.5.” _

_ Waverly, knowing Nicole never said over a 6 thinking she would worry, sat up next to the redhead and wrapped her arms around her. _

_ “Ok, my love, let’s try to wind down now. Anything you want to write down first?” _

_ The nightmares started a few weeks ago. Writing down things she remembered was supposed to help Nicole get to the bottom of what was causing them. Waverly knew not to ask what she wrote, she knew Nicole wanted to face this herself but she still did what she could to help. _

_ Nicole nodded and jotted down a couple of notes, the pen shaking in her uneasy hand. After she put the notebook and pen down, Waverly motioned for her to lean against her. Nicole laid her head on Waverly’s chest as she ran a hand along her back. _

_ “Our 3-year anniversary is in a few weeks. Did you want to go to that restaurant in the Big City we’ve been talking about? We could make a whole day of it if you want. Go to that bowling and arcade place, stop by the farmers market… oh! I could wear that new dress…” _

_ Waverly went on, talking about their anniversary and moving onto other subjects. She found this is what helped the most. She never expected a response from Nicole, she just let her listen to her heartbeat and the melody of her voice. _

_ Nicole hung onto every sound of Waverly until she could close her eyes and not see fire. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always let me know your thoughts in the comments or on tumblr at toogayforthisbull. Thank you for all the encouraging comments welcoming me back! You are all sweet baby angels. 
> 
> Next time: Dolls and Wynonna meet up and Nicole and Waverly talk about the meeting with Dolls (lots and lots of talking and angst!)


	17. Smoke & Guns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dolls tells Wynonna what he has been dreading for the past five years and Nicole and Waverly have some much needed time to talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! I took my time and edited all of the previous chapters to just make them more coherent and add a little more detail where it needed it. Hopefully, this chapter (and the next one's coming up) are worth the wait!!

_ Dolls pulled over outside of the woods, looking over at Wynonna in his passenger seat. In the past few months, every time Wynonna got brought into the station Dolls drove her home. When she got into his SUV this time and remarked that she didn’t want to go home, he didn’t hesitate on where to bring her. As he looked over at Wynonna, he saw that the brunette was staring at him with a mixture of confusion and intensity. Knowing she was going to start asking questions, he hopped out of the car and rounded around to Wynonna’s side to help her out.  _

 

_ As Wynonna quickly looked around at their surroundings, she scoffed, “So, I say I don’t want to go home and you bring me to the woods to kill me. Just great. I knew I should have listened to the ‘stranger-danger’ bell that went off when I first met you.”  _

 

_ Dolls smiled at her comments and shook his head as he gently pulled Wynonna by the arm to the path they needed to go down. “I’m not going to kill you, Earp. I figured you might need a way to get your frustrations out and who knows? Maybe this will keep you out of the precinct a little more.”  _

 

_ They stopped in front of a clearing with a fence post lining on edge with scattered beer cans and bottles. Dolls went and lined up a few before handing his pistol over carefully to Wynonna. As she went to grab it he pulled it away slightly and said seriously but softly, “I’m trusting you, Earp.”  _

 

_ Wynonna nodded as she took the gun in her hand. She missed her target greatly and shook the hand she just shot with - her daddy’s old pistol had nothing on this bad boy. With a chuckle, Dolls went by her side to help her.  _

 

_ For the next hour or so, Dolls showed Wynonna how to shoot with the different weapons he had. They laughed and joked around until the sun started to set and Dolls said they should start heading out. As he turned around to walk back up the path, he felt a pull on his sleeve. He turned around to find Wynonna there holding onto the sleeve of his jacket. Before he could ask what was going on he felt a pair of lips on his own and looped his arm around the woman’s waist to deepen it.  _

 

_ When he opened his eyes again he saw a smiling Wynonna who, once more, pulled on his sleeve towards the path back to the car.  _

 

* * *

 

Wynonna pulls up to the edge of the woods where Dolls wanted her to meet him. Since Purgatory was mostly woods this was on the complete opposite side of town where Nicole went missing. She was already having a weird day and her boyfriend sending her a cryptic text to meet her here wasn’t helping anything. She looked around and saw Dolls black SUV pull up next to her. 

She walked over to him as he exited his car and stopped him in his tracks. “Are you going to tell me what’s going on or do we have to get the guns out first?” The oldest Earp’s patience was waning and she was annoyed her boyfriend wouldn’t give her any more information than to meet him here. 

 

Dolls held his hands up in surrender in front of Wynonna before putting a hand on each shoulder. “Just follow me, okay? I just have some stuff I need to tell you and thought it would be easier to do it here.” 

 

Wynonna wanted to fight more but saw the sincerity in Dolls’ eyes so she just slumped her shoulders, nodded, and headed down the path they were both familiar with. They didn’t say anything as they walked and Wynonna sat down on a large rock, motioning for Dolls to join her. 

 

They’d been officially dating for a year now but their history goes back over seven years and in that time, Wynonna had never seen Dolls this nervous. Knowing he had to do this, whatever this was, on his own time, she waited for him to speak up. 

 

Barely above a whisper, he says, “I need to tell you something and you’re not going to like it.” 

 

Wynonna just stared at him, waiting for him to continue. She still had a hard but confused look on her face. 

 

Dolls breathed deeply, “For the past five years… I knew where Nicole was. I was doing everything in my power to get her back but I couldn’t. You see… I was sent here to protect the portal to Purgatory, not the town were in, but the place between Heaven and Hell. That is where Nicole went. I wanted to tell you but I couldn’t… I have my orders and I shouldn’t even be sharing this with you now. But I knew since Nicole knew, there was no more hiding it from you.” He looked over at Wynonna with concern in his eyes, not being able to control his rambling; Wynonna was just looking back with an intense glare, “I’m sorry Wynonna. I didn’t want to keep this from you.” 

 

With that sentence, Wynonna kicked off from where she was sitting on the rock and quickly turned towards her boyfriend, who she thought she could trust. “You mean to tell me you KNEW where Nicole was for the past FIVE years and just sat her watching my baby sister and me hurt while you could have at least told us she wasn’t fucking DEAD?” 

 

Wynonna was pacing back and forth in the clearing and couldn’t take a second to look at Dolls. Dolls nodded from where he was sitting, knowing he deserved that. He stood up and went to Wynonna. He reached out his arm to grab hers and stop her pacing. She looked at him with nothing but a hardness in her eyes. 

 

He sighed, “Wynonna, I’m honestly sorry. I was just respecting my orders but I understand how hard all of this is for you. I love you, Wyn. So just let me know what you need right now.” 

 

Wynonna yanked back her arm that he had a slight hold on and scowled, “Space. I need space right now, Dolls.” 

 

With that Dolls turned around and headed back to his car. He knew Wynonna would not take the news well and just hoped she would not do anything reckless and still let him come back to her when all of this is done. 

 

* * *

 

Nicole woke up and felt pressure over her stomach. She looked down and realized it was just an arm, attached to a still knocked out Waverly. Nicole smiled and realized this is the first restful sleep she has gotten since returning. She carefully turned over as Waverly grumbled something in her sleep. Nicole tucked a piece of hair behind Waverly’s ear and marveled at the other woman’s beauty. She had been through a whirlwind of emotions since she has been back and just in the past day, but looking at Waverly in her arms she knew it was worth it.  

 

As she stared at the woman in her arms, Waverly started to stir and opened her eyes to see big brown ones looking back at her. A sleepy smile took over her face. “Good morning, Nicole,” she whispered as a yawn escaped her.  Nicole just smiled back at the other woman, “Good morning, Waves” Nicole quickly placed a peck on Waverly’s nose before moving to get up from the bed. 

 

Waverly let a little grump come out but knew they had a lot to discuss and should get ready for the day. She checked the clock and seeing that it was 8am, knew they had plenty of time before her 1pm tutoring session. She got off the bed and followed Nicole to the small two-seater table in one of the corners. Nicole had already started the coffee and placed a cup in front of her. 

 

“So,” Nicole began, “should we just jump into this or wait until after the first coffee?” 

 

Waverly crossed her legs in her chair and took a sip of her coffee. Letting the caffeine go through her, she reached out the hand not holding the coffee mug to hold Nicole’s. “We should just start now and go from there. I want to make sure we have enough time to process everything.” 

 

Nicole nodded and gripped Waverly’s hand. “Okay, well, remember what you said about me being in Purgatory the whole time I was gone? Well, you were right and that’s what Dolls wanted to talk about. He’s like the ‘protector of the portal’ or something like that and knew that was where I went 5 years ago. He said he tried to get me back but they just didn’t know how. I think with his help we might be able to piece together what happened to me. Oh, and also I was apparently stabbed by this guy named Simon who was obsessed with opening the portal.” Nicole could feel herself rambling but couldn’t stop, she was just processing the information herself and had to get all of the information out in the open. 

 

Waverly felt her grip get stronger around Nicole’s hand, so reluctantly she pulled it away and stood up. Waverly could feel her pulse going quicker so she took a steadying breath as she looked at Nicole sitting at the table. “Dolls knew this entire time what happened to you…” 

 

Nicole just nodded with wide eyes, feeling the anger radiating off of the youngest Earp. 

 

“That shit-ticket! He acted all concerned over the past five years, comforted me and Wynonna all while KNOWING what happened to you? We thought you were DEAD for heavens-sake. He could have at least told us you weren’t dead.” Waverly voiced grew from angry to sad as she stopped pacing to lean against the wall and sat on the floor with her head in her hands. “We thought you were dead Nicole,” she said in a hushed whisper. 

 

Nicole quickly got up from the table and sat down next to Waverly, wrapping her arms around the balled-up girl. “Hey baby, I know, I know. It’s okay. I’m here.” Nicole rubbed Waverly’s back until she leaned into her and they stayed like that as Nicole kept whispering to Waverly as she cried into her shirt. 

 

* * *

 

Wynonna was angry. Her muscles were tense and she could feel the anger bubbling within her. It took her so long to fully trust Dolls and after  _ years _ of building up trust she finds out he had been lying to her all along. Getting to the outside of the woods where their cars are parked she let out a muffled scream of frustration and kicked the stump of a tree. Ignoring her throbbing foot, she headed to her truck and sped away before Dolls could catch up with her. 

 

She didn’t know where she was driving to but suddenly, saw the Purgatory sign in her rearview mirror and knew she had to keep going. 

 

* * *

 

After Nicole calmed Waverly down they sat and talked more about what everything meant. It seemed like they got a lot of answers but most of them led to even more questions. However, there was one question that was weighing heavier on Nicole and it wasn’t about her disappearance.

 

The two women were surrounding the desk looking over at notes when Nicole suddenly stopped and sat on top of the desk to face Waverly.   

 

“Waverly,” she said gently as she waited for her to make eye contact, “with everything going on and so many questions surrounding my brain all the time I just wanted to ask you one thing, a clarification if anything.” Her face was turning red and she broke eye contact with Waverly who was looking at her with inquisitive but such soft eyes. Waverly just nodded, urging the redhead to continue. 

 

“Um, so, I was just wondering…” Nicole started stringing her hands together, not knowing why she felt this nervous, “if you were my girlfriend again? If you need more time I understand but with everyth-” 

 

Nicole was cut off by a pair of lips on her own and her fidgeting hands being held by a pair of familiar ones. Nicole melted into the familiar touch and after the kiss, they both just stared at each other until Waverly spoke. “Nicole, my love, I am yours. I always have been. So yes, I am your girlfriend again and maybe one day I’ll be more. But, just know that I will always be yours.”

 

Waverly looked into the big brown eyes she couldn’t believe she had back in her life before sighing and looking down at their joined hands. “I’m sorry I was so selfish when you returned. I wanted nothing more than to run to you but my head wouldn’t let me. I should have been there for you and instead, I was wrapped up inside my own mind, my own emotions.” 

 

Nicole just ran her hand over Waverly’s and pulled her into a deep hug. She knew there was a lot more they had to figure out and their journey wasn’t even close to being over. But, she knew they would do it together, and that’s all she needed.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!! Let me know your thoughts in the comments or over on tumblr @toogayforthisbull. Thanks for keeping up with this lil' fic of mine.


	18. Hearts & Daggers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dolls fears what he has to do and Nicole and Waverly work more on the case.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry....

Dolls knew he messed up. It had been 48 hours and Wynonna wouldn’t answer his calls and the older Earp wasn’t seen in all of Purgatory. He passed by the homestead countless times looking for a familiar blue truck that never appeared. He was hoping his girlfriend was okay, wherever she is. He just wished he could see her one more time before he did what he had to do. 

On his way into the station, he passed the homestead one last time. Still not seeing any hint that the brunette had been there in the past two days, he got out of his car and leaned up against the fence post. He closed his eyes, trying to remember exactly when he knew he got himself in too deep. 

-

_ It had been four years; four years since Nicole Haught disappeared from the town of Purgatory. Every year on this anniversary, the town seemed to get eerily quiet as everyone mourned the loss of the beloved officer. In the three short years she was in Purgatory, she won the hearts of most of the townsfolk. She coached little league, answered all the community calls the other officers didn’t want to take, bought donuts for the neighborhood kids in the summer and did countless other things that caused everyone in the small town to love her. Her disappearance didn’t just affect those closest to her, it affected the very nature of the town she disappeared from. You could always feel it the most of this day every year, marking another year without the good that was Nicole Haught.  _

_ Dolls was in his office, as he had been for the past 48 hours, getting a couple hours of sleep somewhere in there. He thought he might have finally gotten a breakthrough on Haught case and was trying to work any angle he could to get the redhead back. After years, Simon finally agreed to talk to him and Dolls thought the info he got out of him could possibly bring Nicole back. He listened, for what seemed like the 100th time to the recording of the interrogation at Purgatory Psychiatrists:  _

_ Maniacal laughing started the recording before a crackled voice appeared, “Pure of heart! She was pure of HEART! I just KNEW it! She had to be the ONE! Hahahahaa, I stabbed her and then the LIGHT, the light came, and they took her, they took her it.” Suddenly, Simon’s laughing stopped as he took a much more serious tone, “You know… there’s only one way to get her back. One person. The light took her away and only the light can make her return.” A crack plays over the recording. “I’m done now, GUARDS!” The recording stops.  _

_ Dolls sighed, going over the notes he compiled over the years when he hears a light knock on his door. He looked over at the clock and seeing that is was almost 10pm, had no idea who would be knocking on his door. As questions filled his head, he headed over to the door. Opening it, he was pushed back from a clearly intoxicated Wynonna pushing her way into the private office.  _

_ Dolls held out his arm in front of the brunette, stopping her in her tracks, and pushed her back out to the main part of the station and out of his office. In the center of the station, a disheveled Wynonna just stood staring at Dolls before launching herself towards him, kissing him harshly. Dolls arms instinctively went to the brunette’s waist before he tasted the whiskey going from her lips to his own. Dolls pulled his arms from around Wynonna and pushed lightly on her shoulders to stop the kiss. _

_ “Wynonna,” he started with a hard but understanding tone, “what is going on? Why are you here?”  _

_ Wynonna shook off his hands that were still on her shoulders and started pacing the station. “You know, I was doing the thing I usually do on this day and I was drinking to forget that my best friend has been gone longer than she was actually here, and as I kept drinking I realized I didn’t want to be alone. I realized that I wanted to be near you because it makes me feel better. I realized I needed you. And I know I’m drunk, and you probably don’t want me here…”  _

_ Wynonna stopped talking as Dolls, once again, stopped her in her tracks as he pulled her into an embrace. Wynonna, at first, tried to push him away before finally giving in as she felt sobs wrack her body. Dolls just held her with strong arms as he rubbed her back. “I’ll always be here, Wynonna. Whenever you need me I’ll be here for you. I promise you that.”  _

 

* * *

 

“Wynonna said she’s going to be gone for a few days and to ‘not worry’,” Waverly says to Nicole who was sitting at the desk scribbling on a piece of paper. 

Nicole looked up from what she was doodling and raised an eyebrow, “I’m guessing this has to do with Dolls?” 

Waverly just shrugged and shook her head from across the room and made her way over to the redhead. Reaching Nicole, she put an arm around her and looked at what she was drawing. Without Waverly having to ask anything, Nicole took a deep breath before picking up the piece of paper. 

“I started remembering a face. Before, in my dreams, there were only voices. But lately, there have been flashes of this face. Well, as far as my poor art skills can convey.” 

Waverly nodded and squeezed Nicole’s shoulder before she made her way to the bookcase in the room and picked up a sketchbook. She went back to the desk to see Nicole looking at her with big, brown, questioning eyes. Waverly sat on top of the desk and picked up a few sketching pencils from the pencil holder. 

“Okay, describe him to me. I’m really sorry, babe, but your drawing kind of sucks,” Waverly says staring at the redhead expectantly. 

“And since when do you have better drawing skills than me? We literally used to have ‘shitty art nights’ with Wynonna.” Nicole questioned as Waverly just looked down at the pad in front of her. 

“I took some lessons. After you… after you were gone. I’m actually quite good now.” Waverly spoke in a soft voice, not looking up until she finished speaking. 

Nicole just softly nodded, keeping her eyes cast down. She finally looked at Waverly and began describing the man she tried to draw, “He has white hair, sunken face, probably around 60 years old….” 

 

* * *

 

Dolls pulled his car over next to the edge of the woods. He was all too familiar with this particular section of woods. He investigated these woods so much in the past five years that he felt that he knew it better than most of Purgatory. Taking a deep breath, he grabbed the small bag next to him and exited the vehicle. Walking through the trees, he knew what he had to do. He had to make sure what happened to Nicole - to Waverly, Wynonna, and every other person in this town - wouldn’t happen again, to anyone. He opened the bag, taking the small dagger out, and knew what he had to do and knew there was no going back. He just hoped Wynonna would be okay; would eventually understand that there was no other choice. 

 

* * *

 

After about a half an hour of going back and forth, Waverly had a sketch that looked as close to the man in Nicole’s visions as she could get. Nicole looked from the finished drawing to her girlfriend. “Waves, this is amazing. You should be a sketch artist. It would only be better if it was a photograph.” 

Waverly just shook her head and shrugged her shoulders. Nicole stood up from the desk chair and put an arm on each side of Waverly on the desk. “What other hidden talents does my girlfriend have?” she asked with a raised eyebrow, inching her face closer to the brunette’s. 

“You’ll see,” Waverly whispered as she pulled the other woman into a searing kiss. Waverly brought her hand to the back of Nicole’s head and weaved her fingers into her hair, pulling her impossibly closer. The kiss quickly grew more heated and Nicole put her hands underneath Waverly’s thighs, lifting her off the desk. 

Never breaking their kiss, Nicole brought the smaller woman across the room to the twin-sized bed and laid her down gently. She pulled away from the kiss, her arm still under the brunette’s thigh, and nudged Waverly’s nose with her own before joining their lips again. Nicole’s hand started traveling further up Waverly’s leg when she feels the brunette pull back, placing a hand on her shoulder, slightly pushing her away. 

“We should show it to Dolls,” Waverly said matter-of-factly, lips still swollen from their kiss. Nicole scrunched her eyebrows and narrowed her eyes slightly towards her sudden outburst. 

“The drawing. Maybe he’ll recognize it.” Waverly made her way out from under Nicole and made the journey back to the desk where they just came from.  

Nicole closed her eyes and tried to shake off the arousal flowing through her system and went over to Waverly. She kissed the top of her head and took her hand, heading out of the room. “Okay then, let’s go find the man.” 

 

* * *

 

Wynonna pulled her truck into the homestead. She stepped out of the truck and looked up at the stars shining above. It was dark but she could tell the homestead was the same as she left it three days ago. She knew Waverly would be okay for a few days, she had Nicole, she just had to get away. 

She kicked a rock across the dirt as she made her way to the doorway. She couldn’t believe that she trusted Dolls, that she let him in. With each word he said the last time they talked, she felt all the walls he brought down over the years return again. She let herself love him and he was lying to her the whole time. Maybe it was all a lie. Deep down, Wynonna knew that wasn’t true but it didn’t help the sting from it all. 

Turning on the lights inside she noticed something sitting on the table. She walked over and saw Dolls’ dog tags sitting on top of a piece of paper with his scratching handwriting. 

“ _ Wynonna,  _

_ I know what I did, what I kept from you, is unforgivable. I know that I do not deserve your trust. I know I do not deserve you. You are so much better than you will ever give yourself credit for. You are so good, even if half the town refuses to see it. I have been able to see a side of you that you don’t show many people and I thank you for that. Thank you for allowing me to share the time I had with you. You, Wynonna, have been the very best of me.  _

_ I came to do this job, like many others, and promised myself I wouldn’t get attached. Then you came into my life like a tornado and made it, made me, so much better than I ever thought it could be.  _

_ I saw what losing Nicole did to you, did to Waverly and the rest of the town. I can’t let that happen again, my love. I hope you understand. I tried to find a different way, but there was no other. So this is goodbye, Wynonna. I will not ask you to forgive me but I hope you will look back on our memories together as good ones. I never lied about my feelings for you. I love you, Wynonna, always will.  _

__ -Your Dolls _ _

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yell at me on Tumblr @toogayforthisbull or in the comments! I'm going to try to update this every 1-2 weeks now. Let me know what you thought (and sorry for the cliffhanger!)

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! This is my first fic but I've had this idea brewing in my brain for too long now. You can yell at me on tumblr if you would like: toogayforthisbull. I'll be adding more onto this soon!


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